VERITY LUSH: Prepare for Armegeddon '“ and no more fresh bread

It seems unlikely in our little area of the small island upon which we dwell, that much of the fabled white stuff shall arrive.

This, however, does not equate to smooth-running transport with services continuing as normal.

Each time that snow is forecast, the UK follows a pattern.

Firstly, the Daily Express will put a prediction on their front page, most likely with an accompanying headline, that suggests a frozen Armageddon that will last for two decades, kill off anyone over 40 and under 39, and we shall never see fresh bread again.

Secondly, all public transport will stop. This is a given.

It usually commences at the sighting of the first flake anywhere in the country, swiftly followed by 40,000 photos of said flake being posted on social media.

These are always captioned, ‘It’s snowing’.

Thirdly, each and every news programme on the television will feature a presenter who has been sent to Snow Central.

This morning, that consisted of a bloke in a bobble hat up north, surrounded by a rather disappointing one centimetre of frosty flakeage, as opposed to the 20 metres predicted by the Express. And this is only the daytime news programmes.

In the evening, it is instead standard for the bobble-hatted presenter to go a depot where trucks are being loaded with grit and salt, before they trundle off to make the roads – that the radio will tell us we shouldn’t travel on – safe.

There will be a warning that, should one head out in one’s car, one must take a survival kit.

This morning, the radio said this should include ‘coolant’. It’s 1C outside. Isn’t that cool enough? I’d prefer a hot water bottle and a blanket.

On a serious note, now that I have thrown sarcasm at the possibility of snow in the south, it is bound therefore to blizzard. In which case, do obviously keep safe. I have had the experience of being stuck in snow overnight, and even reading the Daily Express weather forecast is preferable.

BOBBING DAFFODILS AND SUNNY CHEER

With the evenings finally getting brighter and not long until the clocks change, it seems that – once the current Beast from the East has been slain by a warmer front – spring might actually occur.

There is something about a blue sky on a spring day, when the sun hangs at a slightly higher arc in the heavens, and the daffodils are bobbing along in all their sunny cheer, that makes you feel renewed.

The cobwebs of winter can be blown way. We can begin to shed the chill and the bulk of layers, and appreciate the blossom that’s budding on the branches with the promise of lighter days and bursts of colour, to replace the greys and slurries of the colder months.

A SHOCKING EVENT IS ON ITS WAY...

It is a British quirk that the country slides to a standstill in snow.

Given that for the majority of the UK it is quite a rare occurrence to see more than a centimetre, this seems forgivable.

We aren’t going to have snow chains when we’re hardly living in the Rockies, and nor do we have poles to help us walk around in it, nor snow shoes to aid us on our travels.

It seems unthinkable, given current temperatures, that within eight weeks we shall probably be at the height of British summer – another event that often comes as a huge shock to us, despite the fact that it’s arrived in May and disappeared in time for the summer holidays for years now.