Is this the way the world will end? | Matt Mohan-Hickson

For the longest time I held this line to heart, partly because it suits my penchant for apocalyptic literature and mostly because it is one of the few lines of poetry I can remember outside of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

But now I’m starting to think the line needs updating for 2020.

Maybe something along these lines: This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with fire and brimstone.

I know I’ve already talked about climate change in this column but the scenes from California last week sent shivers down my spine. When I first saw pictures from San Francisco I didn’t realise what I was actually looking at initially. In truth I thought they were screenshots from the trailer for the new adaptation of Dune, as the trailer was scheduled to be released that day.

I figured the orange glow dominating the sky was a filter used to bring to life the desert wasteland of Arrakis from Frank Herbert’s seminal novel.

But then as I saw more and more images I began to realise what they were sharing and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of dread.

Beyond the sheer horrifying images of the Golden Gate Bridge surrounded by flames and the sky literally turned orange, the most tragic part is what has actually caused the blaze.

Obviously there is no ‘good’ way for a wildfire to start, but a ‘gender-reveal party’ truly must be one of the worst. An indulgent celebration of a new life has turned into a catastrophic disaster. Is there a more damning indictment of the way humans have treated the world?

You can deny climate change all you want if the delusion makes you feel safe, but the world is on fire again. This cursed year started with Australia ravaged by apocalyptic flames. Now it looks like the final months of 2020 could see more blazes.

I’m starting to get the sense that this is a teaser of what is to come if we don’t act – like the dinosaurs looking up and seeing that meteor streaking across the sky.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Hands, knees, bumpsadaisy, face, space, toes. Do keep up…

The TV show Keeping Up With the Kardashians ends next year, the end of an era. I say this only 80 per cent sarcastically. Why not replace it with Keeping Up With the Covid Rules for hours of endless fun?

Initially it was simple: stay home and save the NHS. But who knows what the regulations are now.

Eat out to help out. Hands, space, face, knees and toes. Social bubbles. So confusing.

Can we meet people from outside our homes? I’ve no idea.

If your office is open you can risk catching the virus to keep the wheels of capitalism turning. But you can’t see family members because of the new Rule of Six – which sounds like a fantasy series on Netflix.

I want a Tardis to transport me back to my childhood

I couldn’t wait to grow up. I wanted to wish away my youth so I could do all the things adults could. I wanted the seeming freedom that came with adulthood – no bedtime, money and being able to drive.

Little did I know that in those blissful childhood days I was experiencing something close to being free. No cares apart from which toys to play with or which friends you wanted to call for.

But being an adult is not all I thought it would be. I still can’t drive; no-one warned me there would be a test you could fail multiple times. Then the inconveniences, like having to earn money and then using it to pay rent. I’m 26 and already tired of being an adult. Is there a way back to childhood?

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