We’ll be in a jam if we change the rules over best doughnut filling

COMMENT: Health plan worth trying as we can’t go on like this

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An MP has claimed that plans to change the rules governing jam and marmalade production could lead to ‘the end of the British breakfast as we know it’.

Ministers intend to relax regulations governing the minimum level of sugar which a product calling itself jam or marmalade can contain.

The government says the change will boost the British economy, but Lib Dem MP Tessa Munt argues this will result in cheaper, runnier spreads which have a shorter shelf life.

I don’t want change. I think we need to stand up for our jam and here’s why! Jam is just the best filling for a doughnut ever.

And don’t ever say that custard is because you’re wrong.

It’s incredibly healthy… when compared to Nutella!

You can tighten the lids on jam jars so people who aren’t as strong as you can’t get to it, leaving it all for you!

And jam is the only thing you can possibly put in a roly-poly.

If you’re organising a big party and you hire one of those helium canisters to blow up balloons, I’ve discovered that it really is impossible to do this without everyone else in the building asking to breathe in the helium so they can speak in a funny voice.

I’m assuming the people who hire out the helium canister put at least double what’s needed in there because they know everyone’s going to be having a go?

I bought a can of deodorant the other day, and the reason I bought it was because it claims to offer ‘48- hour protection’.

Now in the past, I’m sure a deodorant only offered 24- hour protection, and thinking about it, that’s all you need really, isn’t it?

I mean, who in their right minds would go 48 hours without a new application of deodorant?

You just wouldn’t, would you? You put deodorant on every morning.

I bet there’s not one person who’s bought this 48- hour protection deodorant who’s taken a risk and not sprayed any more of it on for two whole days!