We’re not ready for Queen Karlie-Mae or King Jayden

Child refugees: more cash is needed from the government

COMMENT: Government needs to dig deep to find extra cash

Have your say

Where’s Baron St John of Fawsley (aka Norman Stevas) when you need him?

The camp old cove spent years pontificating on constitutional matters, giving the impression the Royal Family would not have a clue who should be doing what, when, and under which title, were it not for his expertise.

The good baron died a couple of years ago, which is unfortunate because he would have delighted in the dilemma which could confront the Windsor household next summer if the Duchess of Cambridge produces twins.

He would have been popping up on television programmes for weeks on end, ruminating long and hard before delivering a verdict predicated on the confident assumption that the rest of us believe Primo Geniture to be an Italian heavyweight prospect.

He would doubtless have concluded that should the Duchess be delivered of twins, the first born would eventually ascend the throne. But lips would have been thoughtfully pursed – and there would have been much slow stroking of the noble chin – while he contemplated the consequences if the progeny were to be delivered by caesarean section.

He would have been horror-struck at the prospect of our next monarch, but two, being chosen by a consultant obstetrician playing ‘eeny, meeny, miney mo.’

Far be it from me to assume the mantle of the blessed Norman, but can I suggest the twins could share the role – giving a whole new meaning to the royal ‘we.’

However, I suspect it will be the subject of possible names which will be exercising royal advisers as the birth nears.

William and Kate may be inclined to ignore convention and go for more modern names, so don’t be surprised if some classic middle-class choices like Charlotte or Nicholas make an appearance.

Fortunately, the nation is not yet ready for Queen Karli-Mae or King Jayden, so whatever happens we will be spared the type of child’s name which appeared in the birth announcements of my local newspaper last year. This unfortunate child (and I kid you not) is destined to go through life with the moniker of Misty Mississippi Lovely Story.