We were the only non-couple in the restaurant that night

Ewan McGregor  as Renton in Trainspotting - the gender neutral toilets Zella has visited are almost as grubby

ZELLA COMPTON: Men – just aim it in the right direction and we’ll all be happy!

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It’s funny how people remember you.

The other day I met a lady who confused my wife by saying I was ‘one of those gay guys’ having dinner in Strada.

Back in my ‘in-between’ single days, myself and two friends went to Gunwharf Quays for a bite to eat and a few beers.

I’d noticed how ‘couplie’ it was in there – then one of my mates checked his phone and our worst fears were confirmed.

Yes, it was Valentine’s night!

Thing is, our table was the only one with chat and laughter. You could see the other blokes checking their watches, longing to get home for the start of Match of the Day!