When on holiday, there’s no such thing as overdoing it

Inquisitor: John Humphrys

ZELLA COMPTON: Why does John Humphrys still have a national platform?

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Here’s a question. When, on holiday, is it possible to have too much of a good thing?

For the first time we’ve opted for the all-inclusive offering – with a brood of relentlessly ravenous children, it’s an experiment to see if we can genuinely get value for money.

They’ll be jumping in and out of the water all day, pestering for snacks and niblets every 15 minutes like hungry sparrow chicks.

I’m hoping it will be a simple point of the finger to the dining area and they can fill their boots.

Jack is four, which means we have to pay full price for his holiday – hardly seems fair, as he uses a third of a bed and will eat an eighth of an adult’s usual consumption.

My children also only drink water, so we won’t even benefit from a gushing intravenous feed of carbonated immorality.

To restore equilibrium to my financial universe, that means the rest of us have to make up for his shortcomings.

If the children want to set about their first ice cream of the day at 0617, no problem.

It will be a pleasure to watch my wife guzzle down a Mojito with her cheese, chorizo and huevos frito – frankly, the more we can pack away the better value we’re getting.

As a family, our forte is breakfast. Replenished from a good night’s kip, we’re primed and ready for the chow down.

I’m hoping to repeat the legend of 2001: The Year of the Six-Course Breakfast, to show the children what their father is really made of.

A bowl of fruit to cleanse the pallet, straight on to a cooked breakfast, then toast to give the arteries a brief respite.

Second plate of cooked breakfast, pastry course, all topped off with a nice healthy yoghurt.

Nutritionists could argue that is slightly overdoing it.

I’d argue that when one is on holiday, there is no such thing.

The only down side I can think of is the first morning back in the real world.

A bowl of bran flakes on a grey morning brings you back to earth pretty sharpish.