When the chips are down, it could be due to your postcode

COMMENT: Bandstand event is a victim of its own success

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Here is the question of the day. Do you get more chips if you order them in a tray or in a cone?

And why don’t traditional chippies have standard sizes for the portions of chips they serve, like you get in a McDonald’s or a KFC?

Why is it always so random? You know how they go on about a ‘postcode lottery’ for healthcare?

Why should some people get bigger portions of chips from their chippie just because of where they live?

And, more importantly, does anyone know which chippie serves the biggest portion, so we can go out and really stuff ourselves…!

I bought some alcohol the other day. Not unusual, I know, but I got the feeling that it was, and here’s why.

I had to buy a bottle of Scotch in the supermarket before 11am.

It was a gift for a friend who’d done some work for me, and who is a big fan of single malt Scotch.

I was going to see him at around 11.30 so, as he didn’t want any money for helping me out, I thought I’d get him some nice Scotch.

The thing is, if you try buying Scotch in a supermarket at such an early hour, you just feel the eyes of everyone in the store on you and they’re all thinking ‘wino’.

The immediate assumption of everyone else is that you’re a raging alcoholic.

So I just wanted to state I was buying the Scotch as a gift for a mate, okay?

I saw this perfume the other day called ‘Jasmin Noir’ and on the box it had what I think has to be the most bizarre slogan ever to advertise a women’s scent.

It said Jasmin Noir – The Essence of a Jeweller. Now, call me stupid, but why would anyone want to smell like a jeweller?

Jewellers spend their days sat in hot shops trying to sell jewellery to people. It’s not exactly glamorous, is it?