When will dads start being treated as equals in Britain? | Clive Smith

Shouldn’t the question be: ‘If men are causing a problem on a maternity ward, should they be asked to leave?’ Not ‘should men be banned from maternity wards?’

Yes, let’s ban all men because a few can’t behave properly and rob the rest of special moments with their newly-born.

I really don’t think it has anything to do with patient privacy or welfare but more to do with being anti-dad. It’s feminism rearing its ugly head again.

A dad bonding with his new-born is just as important as it is for mothers. People would soon moan if no dads showed up and spent the time down the pub instead. They’re quick enough to say ‘dad never does anything, he’s never around’.

So welcome to 2020, where if you’re a man and throw on a summer dress and pretend you’re a woman you can use the same toilets as young girls, but by being how you were biologically born gets you’re banned from maternity wards. Great.

I know men might not be massively useful after a baby is born. They probably feel a bit of a spare part and there’s every chance they would rather be watching a Champions League match.

They would definitely prefer sleeping in a bed instead of a visitor’s chair, but by being there they’re providing support for the baby’s mother. Surely, this eases the burden on midwives?

And I bet there have been times when a dad has spotted something wrong with a new-born or mother a midwife might have missed. Most couples know each other better than anyone else so could spot the signs.

Years ago men were only allowed to visit for 30 minutes a day and mothers would be in hospital for up to a week. We are meant to have moved with the times, not go back.

So, when will dads start being treated as equals in this country?

Divorce cases to be settled by combat – there’s an idea

There are laws from medieval times that still stand in Britain. They’re never enforced but they are amusing.

‘Handling a salmon in suspicious circumstances’ was law until 1986. And it’s still illegal to enter parliament wearing a suit of armour. It would be funny to see an under-fire PM in the House wearing a full suit!

In America an old law which says marital disputes can be settled by ‘trial by combat’ has been requested by a husband divorcing his wife. Lawyers are working on it and he’s requested time to choose his sword.

Seems much fairer than the current system – see Ant McPartlin’s supposed £31m divorce settlement his ex-wife has just won.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

A few key phrases for foreign taxi drivers, is all they need

Havant Borough Council is apparently looking to bring in a one-on-one English language test for new taxi drivers applying for Hackney or private hire licences.

About time is all I can say.

I don’t know if they also do local knowledge tests there but that issue needs to be sorted too.

I got a taxi from Purbrook to Cosham station recently and had to direct the driver myself. In broken English he told me he’d only been in the country a few days.

But to be fair, perhaps they only really need to understand a few vital phrases, such as: ‘Been busy tonight mate?’ ‘What time you knocking off?’ or ‘Anywhere round here will do mate?’