Who needs Veganuary? – Blaise Tapp

Blaise couldn't care less about his messy desk!
Blaise couldn't care less about his messy desk!

I am delighted to report that, half way into January, my year has begun largely how the last one finished – in a flurry of baked produce consumption and the odd glass of booze. 

In keeping with my tendency to ignore fads, I have shunned Dry January and have absolutely turned my back on Veganuary.

Of course, I have made some efforts to do up my top button and, so far this year, I have yet to consume anything in batter. I have, however, nearly finished the bumper box of pork scratchings that my wife’s sibling bought me for my birthday the other week. If Carlsberg did brother-in-laws…..

While I can happily go a week (well, Sunday night to 6pm on a Friday), without alcohol passing my lips, the idea of enduring the dullest of months without the aid of anything stronger than Tizer leaves me cold.

Hats off to the millions of people who have binned the takeaway menus and spent this month’s beer money on introductory gym membership, but I have been there and have the sweat-soaked T-shirt. 

But January isn’t just about hangover-free Sundays and celery in your lunchbox, as more and more of us are using this month to declutter our homes, and it is an obsession that has now become big business.

Marie Kondo isn’t somebody I had heard of until last week but apparently she is the high priestess of tidying up. She has flogged some 11 million books, stars in her own Netflix show and encourages people to say ‘thank-you’ to the inanimate object they are about to chuck.

Her key rules are discard and organise, not to mention asking yourself if a possession ‘sparks joy’. Most human beings are slaves to self-improvement and being able to see the carpet in your living room is usually high up on the list of priorities for most house proud grown-ups.

Not this one. I’ve always been of the opinion a desk is not a desk if you can see any of the surface beneath the piles of yellowing papers and Post-It notes. I might not be perfect, but it works for me.

I am pretty sure I won’t be saying a sincere thank-you to my half-chewed biros as there is still plenty of life left in them yet.