Why a rocking royal residence would be a great business idea

COMMENT: Bandstand event is a victim of its own success

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The Queen’s Balmoral estate in Scotland is considering hosting rock concerts and other live events as a way to pay its bills.

Here are a couple of reasons why a music festival hosted at a royal venue might be a good idea...

Charles could sell his overpriced organic food. The people who turn up to these things are used to paying well over the odds for stuff like that at Glastonbury.

In addition, the royals would be good at organising payment for tickets. They have centuries of experience of getting money out of ordinary people. 

Harry could be in charge of security. Can you think of anyone better at spotting if someone’s drunk?

One thing I’ve noticed recently is that there have been a lot of reports about sinkholes appearing.

These big holes in the ground appear from nowhere and swallow up cars and houses.

The people affected have been really upset by the damage they have caused.

But what’s really annoying is that none has appeared in one of the flooded regions of the country.

A giant plughole opening in the earth where all the water could flow down. It’s typical that they never appear where you want them to!

Apparently over last weekend, the Met Office declared that Britain was ‘under attack’ from a multi-pronged weather front of wind, rain and snow’.

Can we just make it clear that the weather isn’t attacking us. This isn’t the film Flash Gordon where Ming the Merciless attacked the earth with hot hailstones.

This isn’t a vengeful God punishing us. It’s just bad weather.

We’re not under attack unless Iran has developed some sort of weather controlling machine that we didn’t know about.