Why can’t I find the perfect sofa? – Lesley Keating

SWEET: But will Lesley and Mike ever be sitting comfortably again?
SWEET: But will Lesley and Mike ever be sitting comfortably again?
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We’re on the hunt for a new sofa. Now, this may sound straightforward enough but, with a dog in the house, we’ve always got to be mindful of how forgiving a new piece of furniture is likely to be.

I really fancy a sumptuously-soft, sheeny velvet one, but Mike disagrees.  He thinks we should stick with hard-wearing leather.

Milly, our Yorkie, doesn’t moult, so we don’t have to do that thing where you choose furniture the same colour as your pet. But it does have to pass the scratch test. 

This involves sitting on sofas in showrooms, seeing if they are comfy, and then covertly running a fingernail along the leather to see what happens.  No scratch and it’s instantly on the shortlist, but anything that subsequently looks like it’s been mauled by a pack of wolves is vetoed. This is, of course, assuming I can find something I actually would like to scratch in the first place.

Mike is really good and tends to sit – or should I say, doze off – in the showroom, eventually sighing in desperation, ‘If you like it, that’s fine by me’. I suspect he’s terminally bored and, rather than being accommodating, he just wants out as soon as possible. (He has the attention span of a gnat under these circumstances.  Hmm...maybe I should use this to my advantage…).

I have already watched all the adverts from the usual suspects like DFS, Sofology, SCS and countless others.  But, rather than feeling inspired, I’m just astounded at how many truly vile sofas are out there.

In just one showroom I saw a two-tone shiny monstrosity the colour of a squashed Mars bar, another so retro it was hideous rather than trendy and a floral-patterned number which was like something your elderly aunt might have in their parlour. And one which actually resembled a stuffed armadillo! I can’t even imagine who would say ‘Yes, that’s the one!’ 

It’s like the manufacturers are having a bet and a blimmin’ good laugh to boot.  So, where are all the elegant, unobtrusive and comfortable sofas? 

If anyone knows, please tell me?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Janet learns a lesson: make sure you knock the right door

I’m still giggling over a story my friend told me about her husband who works as a counsellor. His office is in a building inhabited by other therapists including osteopaths, chiropractors and hypnotists.

A new client turned up, so my friend’s husband welcomed her, sat her down and began the initial form-filling. Unperturbed that this new client insisted on being called Janet for some reason, when he had the name Carol pencilled in, he continued. 

After a few moments, ‘Janet’ suddenly asked if she should remove any clothes and lie down?  Horrified, he hastily assured her that, no, she had no need to do that! Turns out Janet was meant to be seeing the chiropractor upstairs.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Ticked off our bucket list, but we will not repeat duvet day

We’ve drawn up a bucket list of things to do this year including places to visit and general stuff we’ve never got around to doing.

One of Mike’s was ‘have a duvet day doing absolutely nothing’.  As he’s normally a workaholic, we gave it a try. Oh, my goodness, it was the most impossible, stressful task ever! 

I usually get up early, so it was tortuous staying in bed and wafting around later in a dressing gown. There was still a dog to walk, e-mails to answer and washing up – which I’d been firmly instructed to leave – sat there, looking at me.

It was so exhausting trying to do nothing that Mike ended up going to work and we were both shattered. Never again!

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