Why have they changed it from ‘cashier number four please’?

COMMENT: Attraction will capitalise on the riches in our midst

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I got really annoyed by something last week. I went to a bank and was queuing up to go to the counter when over the tannoy I heard a female recorded voice say ‘cashier number four is now available.’

And I thought ‘that’s not right, is it? They should say ‘‘cashier number four please.’’’

They always say ‘cashier number four please’ – it’s the law in banks and post offices. You can’t suddenly change to saying something different.

And ‘cashier number four is now available’ is too wordy and, also, what does it mean they’re available for?

They don’t say. You know where you are with ‘cashier number four please.’ Let’s not change it now. We’ve come too far together.

Whilst out starting the Christmas shopping, I came across what has to be the most rubbish Christmas idea. It was in one of those gadget shops and was The Folding Shovel with Compass, only £4.99. Why would you want this, unless you were a 16th century pirate with a map that had a big X on it marking some buried treasure?

There’s just no other reason that you’d need a shovel with a compass on. Or am I missing something?

So, a report’s come out highlighting the health problems associated with cheese because it’s so salty, and also laden with fat. But here are a few more random ways cheese can be dangerous.

You could easily slip over after stepping on some Mini-Babybels. They could be lethal.

You can choke on cottage cheese. Man wasn’t meant to swallow such a hideous-tasting thing, so the body will try to reject it. And ever burned the roof of your mouth biting into pizza or cheese on toast? That’s dangerous. Taking the ends of your fingers off while grating it. Everybody’s done that. It’s agony.