Woo back women by giving us what we’re really after

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If David Cameron and Nick Clegg had got one of their minions to produce a document called What Women Really Want, I’d just about consider giving them both a little pat on the back.

As it is, a leaked plan showing how they want to target female voters only comes across as a rather patronising attempt to keep the little women docile.

Like all politicians, they’ve been quick to assess who likes them and who doesn’t (such an unattractive and needy habit).

And it’s women who’ve proved to be most sceptical about their cosy coalition arrangement. How wise we are.

But rather than sit down properly and question what they might do to redress the imbalance so keenly felt between the two sexes, they’ve done what all blokes in positions of power do.

Someone – and I bet you a fiver it was a man – has been delegated the task and then spent all of five minutes on brain-storming.

Hilariously, some of the ideas included in this ‘Operation Woo Women’ dossier have come to light, revealing that all the usual suspects have been lobbed into the mix.

Childcare is the biggie of course, because that’s not something that should affect men as much as women at all, is it?

Other ‘novel’ ideas include a new website that would allow women to compare each other’s salaries.

The problem with that, of course, is it totally and utterly misses the point. It’s not the discrepancies between my pay and that of my female colleagues I’m interested in. I want to know what all the men in senior positions around me earn. Give me an online tool to sniff that out and you’ve got my undivided attention.

Most of the other ideas surround family life – but isn’t it time we stopped treating that like a solo-sex topic?

It annoys me that the Prime Minister fails to understand that women are just as interested in the state of the NHS, public sector cuts and university tuition fees as men.

Of course, you’d only need one big sub-heading on the What Women Really Want document – equality and how to get it.

But why faff around with that when you can throw some child tax credit scraps and shorter summer holiday bonuses our way instead?