ZELLA COMPTON: Merge in turn – it’s not that difficult

Keep calm and merge in turn
Keep calm and merge in turn
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Okay, this is not hard to figure out. If there are two lanes going through roadworks, or coming off a roundabout, or whatever, that generally means they are there to be used.

I have had enough of drivers who sit in the inside lane and then get angry about other cars using the outside lane.

Seriously, why sit there in a long queue tailing back and back and back a bit more, when you could quite easily use two lanes, and then merge in turn as directed?

Merge in turn. That’s not a hard concept. It means come together, one after another. One from lane one, one from lane two, next one from lane one...

Imagine how much simpler our lives could be if we actually embraced this concept instead of the totally British reverse which is to sit in lane one and not let people in from lane two. What is it all about? Why are you abusing strangers for driving correctly?

I know what it feels like, I’ve been there. I have been that person in lane one with my nose stuck in the air, desperately focusing on what is in front of me not willing to make any sort of concession to the person ‘pushing in’ next to me.

That spot on the windscreen takes a whole new meaning. And for what? To protect my car length even though the person in the next lane is not, I repeat NOT pushing in.

They are using a car lane system designed by a bright spark in an office somewhere. And I bet that bright spark didn’t sit there saying ‘let’s put in a second lane so it can sit empty and cause long traffic jams in a single lane back through three other roundabouts’.

No, I suspect the bright spark came up with the idea of two lanes so more traffic could be eased through, with the thought that a merge-in-turn sign might be the holy grail of instructions – only to be thwarted by the inbred sentimentality of queueing.

This is not the first time I’ve written about this, but I sincerely hope it’s the last.

You lane-oners out there, stop being so ridiculous.

And you lane-twoers, who feel the need to indicate, wave and make body language like you’ve made a mistake and are pleading to get into lane one before the merge, just stop. Act like you own the bit of road you are on, because actually, you have the right to be there.


What else is there to do at the Tate Modern but make your own art?

Apart from viewing the glorious works on display of course (one made of human hair) and the swings which are the current installation in the turbine hall and which are huge fun as there are seats for three (not that anyone joined my husband and I, potentially because of our large buttocks).

So I made my husband into an art work: man; man-with-coat, and man-with-two-coats.

This made me laugh a lot but sadly I didn’t manage to spread the buzz as I photographed him.

I suspect our giggling gave the game away: that he might be a work of art to me, but perhaps not the rest of the world.


I wonder how many organisations are taking a look at themselves, and their policies, about how hard or simple it is for staff to talk about their colleagues to someone in a position of authority?

We’ve seen Hollywood caught up in the stink of sexual harassment and the open secrets of the power abuse, and now our government is finding itself being exposed.

But what are businesses and other cultures doing to address this? Are they providing safe spaces for people to report what’s happened/is happening to them?

If I was in human resources that would be my priority now, making sure that the environment is safe, courteous and clean for all.