ZELLA COMPTON: Which of Trump’s quotes will they use on his monument?

Zella is disgusted that fish are consuming plastic
Zella is disgusted that fish are consuming plastic
Clive Smith is disgusted that a priest said he hopes Prince George grows up to be gay  Picture: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire

CLIVE SMITH: What decade is this out-of-touch priest living in?

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I was on a train the other day pondering exactly what to write about.

Would it be my cheeky trip to the USA? Or what Americans really mean when a shop assistant asks how you are (I checked, they don’t really care unless they know you. I also checked, saying ‘pretty rubbish’ doesn’t elicit much sympathy).

Trump’s will be a gold-plated phallus, with his legendary words scrawled from base to tip

Or the amazing place that is Washington DC with its wide open spaces, monuments (all dedicated to men I think, mostly presidents but with an excellent addition of Martin Luther King) and incredible galleries and museums for free.

It made me wonder if they’ll build a monument to Trump, with quotes around it as the other presidents have.

Theirs are about equality, the environment, fairness, justice, fighting oppression.

Trump’s will be a gold-plated phallus, with his legendary words scrawled from base to tip. Like, ‘lock her up’, ‘build the wall’, ‘you’re fired’ and ‘call me daddy’. So classy.

But no, the theme of my column is the train I was on. Sounds a bit dull right? Maybe, but wait. This isn’t an ordinary Fareham to Portsmouth commute, this is an American train, Amtrack to be precise, speeding along the coastline.

The Americans don’t mess around when it comes to building stuff.

Like everything else, Amtrack is supersized – the price, the conductors, the who-har about getting on (think airports – gates, queues, boarding calls) and the seats. And I love it.

It’s wonderful to be on board a transport mode with plenty, ample, space for my buttocks and too much room for my legs. I can do a full stretch out and not touch the seat in front.

There’s power sockets, and wi-fi and, of course amazing views.

There’s an announcer letting people know where the spare seats are.

But best of all, there’s the lonely sound of the train’s horn, which reminds me of every American movie which I’ve ever seen. Wonderful.

We can’t supersize our railways, but surely we can downsize the price to match the machines?

Twenty pence a journey feels reasonable to me.

FANCY STEP-COUNTER WATCH WILL BECOME MY NEW OBSESSION

I’ve bought myself a new watch. I’ve had it with looking for my phone every five minutes.

There I go, delving into pockets and bags, wondering what the time is and then checking social mediaas I have my phone out and wondering why no one has been in contact.

How much more convenient it is to look at my wrist, and see the time neatly laid out.

My previous watch, a Swatch with a silver link chain and blue face, lasted 17 years, which I consider value for money.

The new one is made of rubber and is digital. It gives me a read out of how many steps I have taken a day, so I expect that’ll turn into my new addiction before too long.

WE ARE NOW INGESTING PLASTIC – HOW HAS IT COME TO THIS?

How gross is the news that plastic has been found in drinking water around the world and in table salt?

So monumental is our use of plastic in our daily lives that the tiny particles are seeping into everything.

The news is not new (ironically) that fish are consuming plastic and this will affect the way that we eat in future.

But the fact that we’re all tucking into the oil derived product with no nutritional value (ha) and not even knowing it is quite frankly pretty

scary.

Of course, it’s the same old thing. Governments too scared of big business to legislate for the ordinary people, profit leading the health of the

world.

I’m tired of this, aren’t you?