Trained counsellor Fiona Caine dishes out some hard-hitting advice
I split with my fiance a couple of months ago, because he cheated. I found out when the boyfriend of the woman my ex is now living with came to see me, and told me he'd discovered they'd been carrying on.
My fiance is gone and good riddance, but this man and I have met a few times since and we've developed quite a bond. We understand how the other is thinking and I think we may be falling for each other. I'm worried how our respective families and friends will think it’s bad.
I don't see why they should. People meet in all kinds of different ways and while your circumstances are a little unusual, they're not unique. I'm sure that if people see that you are happy together, they'll adjust.
What does concern me though is the speed in which your relationship has developed. You were engaged to someone who you thought was your life partner until just a couple of months ago. For a relationship to flourish, you need share more than hurt feelings.
I went out with a guy for more than a year but I split up with him because he seemed so dull and boring. I met him at a party last week, six months after we split, and he's changed so much.
He's been travelling and done all kinds of exciting things. He's even got engaged. It's made me think that perhaps I made a big mistake in letting him go. Do you think he will take me back if I ask him?
I really cannot believe you are serious. When he was with you, he was, you say, dull and boring – so let me spare you some embarrassment and possible hurt.
Now he's away from you he's happy, engaged and enjoying life – why would he want to risk this by seeing an ex-girlfriend, especially one that dumped him?
Genuine relationships can't be picked up and dropped if you get bored. They need to weather good times and bad and they need to be worked at. Your ex-boyfriend has found this out and moved on, and you should too.