STEVE POWER: That's the end of the snooze

It’s much nicer than his old one, but there is one problem with it.

When the alarm woke him up yesterday morning, he did that thing where your arm reaches for the snooze button automatically while you’re half-asleep, but he found he couldn’t find it because it was in a completely different place to the old one.

His whole body had become so used to automatically hitting the snooze button without him having to look at it, but he can’t do that anymore. So, he’s now faced with a couple of weeks of actually having to wake up properly when the alarm goes off, so he can see the snooze button and then hit it.

But, if you wake up properly, there’s no point in hitting the snooze button, is there?

n Britain’s top doctor has criticised the trend for online grocery shopping, as it stops people getting some exercise by walking to the shops. I have a quick way to remedy this.

If you’re shopping online, just before you make each selection, go into your kitchen and put all the food in your cupboards on view and walk up and down across the room three or four times, to recreate the shopping experience.

Alternatively, just walk to the shop and take back everything they delivered to your door, because it wasn’t what you ordered. Actually, I think hundreds of thousands of people all over Britain have already done this.

n I saw some pastry-based snack on sale in a shop yesterday called a ‘Sausage and Bean Melt.’

Now, I’m no expert, but if you cook sausage and beans and they melt, surely you’re not doing it right, are you?

What are you cooking them in? A nuclear reactor?