The highway to hell is quicker

'Take the highway, rather than the road, as it's an awful lot quicker!'
'Take the highway, rather than the road, as it's an awful lot quicker!'
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Chris Rea famously sang about ‘The Road to Hell’, while AC/DC famously sang about a Highway to Hell. I did some research and found out that Highway to Hell is three minutes 29 seconds long, while The Road to Hell is a song in two parts that lasts over nine minutes in total.

Conclusive proof, that if you need to travel to hell at any point in your life, you should take the highway, rather than the road, as it’s an awful lot quicker!

n In India, a 7’ 4” police officer has complained that he spends all his time having selfies taken with tourists.

To be fair, being that tall does limit what he can do as a police officer. I mean, how many times will he have been assigned to ‘Look-Out Duties’, and how many times will he have been turned down for undercover work?

What he has got to really hope for is that there’s a major crime syndicate consisting solely of basketball players.

Then he’s a shoe-in for some infiltration work.

n The BBC has commissioned a third series of Poldark – before the second has made it to air.

Here is a list of the top four things the show’s biggest fans are looking forward to.

1 Aidan Turner’s pecs

2 Aidan Turner’s abs

3 Aidan Turner’s biceps

4 Lovely scenic shots of the Cornish coastline (that’s for the women who have given themselves high blood pressure from looking at Aidan Turner’s pecs, abs and biceps!)

n Could I suggest that Dulux invent a new paint colour name? I call it “Left in the Shed Too Long White.”

They may as well invent it, because everyone has a tin of it down the bottom of their garden, don’t they?

n Genuine question my friend’s five-year-old daughter has asked him: ‘If I put this tooth that just fell out under my pillow for the tooth fairy, will I get more money if I brush it so it’s really clean?’

Wanting to clean your tooth that has just fallen out, now that’s gross.