Dr Evil patients can be sliced and diced but should we pick up the bill if it goes wrong? – Verity Lush

Brendan McCarthy was arrested for carrying out these ops in his studio and he has been found guilty of body part removal.

His nickname was Dr Evil and he’d whipped off a nipple, split a couple of tongues, and also specialized in dermal and transdermal implants.

With a transdermal implant, you can actually screw little horns onto your head if so wish, and other people had the tops of their ears turned into pointy little specimens.

Given the horn connotations and the ‘Dr Evil’ moniker, I suspect the ears had more of a satanic link as opposed to being associated with elves, pixies and fairy folk, but who knows.

Each to their own.

Much as I have no wish to turn my ears into those of a pixie, if somebody else does, I don’t much care.

But that is not to say that I can comprehend why you’d want to have your tongue split in order to give it a forked appearance. Unless of course it is specifically attention-seeking and you wish to make people’s skin crawl, in which case you’ve succeeded where I’m concerned.

It makes me shudder aplenty!

The tongue, I presume, is permanent – or at least very tricky (and requiring a surgeon somewhat more skilled than the civilian Dr Evil, plus wads of cash) to fix.

Perhaps it’s a fashion? I’m the first to admit to having had my fair share of spiral perms in the 1980s, but hair has a tendency to grow back and it can be cut.

Perms drop out. God forbid your tongue should.

All that aside, I am not sure Dr Evil needed to be arrested.

If people do not care that they’re entering an environment that is not a surgical theatre, ready to be sliced and diced by someone who is not qualified, then that’s their call.

However, if it goes wrong, does the NHS foot the bill? Of course it does, and therein lies –for me – the ethical issue.

It’s over in seconds and could save your life – book a smear

The number of women taking up the invitation to have their smear tests has dropped drastically.

There’s no excuse. If you have been called for your smear, take it from someone who’s had innumerable cervical interventions and two kids, it is nothing.

The smear is over in mere seconds. No nurse cares what your bits look like. It’s like if you work in a cake shop – probably a novelty at first but see one Chelsea Bun and you’ve seen them all.

A smear can save your life. Everyone knows someone who’ll tell you a horror story about it, but everyone knows someone who likes to make a fuss over nothing. 

Drop your pants for 10 seconds, ladies, and get it done. Book it today.

It seems time flies in a flash but Brexit limps slowly on

Half-term is beckoning which means it is six weeks since the kids have been back at school. It also means they’re halfway through the academic year.

How is this possible? Christmas seems a blur, the daffodils are beginning to peak through, and apparently we are in for unseasonably warm weather. The latter seems especially unlikely given that we are, of course, the grey UK.

It is nearly a year since the Great Snow Day of 2018, when most local schools closed, and nearly two years since the Brexit process began. 

On one hand, time seems to pass in a flash and we all move on and get stuff done. 

Though it is apparent the previous statement does not include the government.