Sex with my ex was more exciting than with my fiance – Fiona Caine

Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who says sex with her soon-to-be husband is boring.
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who says sex with her soon-to-be husband is boring.
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Our agony aunt solves your personal problems. 

Question: I'm due to get married later this year and, fond as I am of my fiance, I've realised he's a bit boring.

The physical side of our relationship is comfortable but a bit dull, and I suppose I cannot help but compare him to my last boyfriend. Sex with him was unpredictable and exciting but he was too unreliable to marry. 

I suppose what I am saying is, I am having doubts about getting married. Should I be concerned?’

Answer: Your sexually exciting ex-boyfriend brought passion and thrills to your life but that came with a big down-side.

Having doubts before a wedding is perfectly normal. 

But, do find your fiance boring, or is it just by comparison to your ex-boyfriend? Instead of comparing them, compare your fiance to other men you know.

If you still think he's boring, then consider whether you could find ways of spicing up your relationship and seeing how he responds. He might just be inexperienced.

Question: My husband abused me for many years, mentally and physically, and six months ago I finally plucked up the courage to leave.

I know it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

My problem is that my two sons, who are 18 and 17, have sided with their father and refuse to see me. I miss them dreadfully and although I write to them often, they never reply. I want a new life for myself, but does that have to be at the expense of losing my children? 

Answer: You absolutely did the right thing in leaving your husband – it took a huge amount of courage and strength.

To your sons, you must seem like a completely different person. The important thing is you stay in touch with them. They are probably more comfortable with text messages.

Make them understand the split is not their fault and that you love them. They are old enough to begin to understand there are two sides to every argument.