The Alternative Pompey Awards 2018

Conor Chaplin sets off on his lung-busting charge after scoring the winner at MK Dons. Picture: Joe Pepler
Conor Chaplin sets off on his lung-busting charge after scoring the winner at MK Dons. Picture: Joe Pepler
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The swanky Pompey end-of-season dinner may have taken place this week with no expense spared, but the Cross Word has reached down the back of the sofa and found the loose change to fund our own prestigious awards, as the campaign draws to a close...

The Matt Taylor Award for Most Spectacular Goal

He may be a fox in the box, but Brett Pitman has also showed his eye for the spectacular. The skipper’s strike against Bristol Rovers in September showcased a deftness of touch, but the arcing hit against Fleetwood the same month takes the title.

The Golden Specs for Blinkered Views

Plymouth boss Derek Adams has cornered the market in one-eyed assessments, as displayed on two further occasions this season.

Pompey more than doubled the visitors’ shots on goal in November, but the game had ‘0-0 written all over it’, according to Adams. He was at it again when labelling the Blues ‘defensive’ last month. Pompey again had more shots than the Pilgrims.

The Alan Knight v Wimbledon ‘84 Tribute Trophy

Luke McGee very kindly has taken some of the weight off Knightsy’s shoulders with his own contribution to Danny Baker’s next keeper blooper DVD against Bury last weekend.

The John Akinde Amazing Transformations Shield

There’s a striker in Scotland who’s finding the net regularly in the SPL and fired Motherwell to the Scottish Cup final last month with two goals against Aberdeen. How ironic Curtis Main has the same name as the striker who delivered just two league goals in 18 months at Fratton Park. Meanwhile, Jayden Stockley has 24 goals for Exeter...

The Lomana LuaLua Statuette for Goal Celebrations

Conor Chaplin channels Forrest Gump with a lung-busting charge the length of the pitch to celebrate his 90th-minute winner against MK Dons.

The Sir Alex Ferguson Sore-loser Salver

Paul Cook had a great relationship with The News in his time at Fratton Park.

Yet, there was a stonewall refusal to speak to us last month, before the Scouser objected to myself listening in to his club interview after his side’s 2-1 loss.

The credited quotes were on portsmouth.co.uk before he’d left the ground.

The Eddie Howe Treatment Table Trophy

Stephen Henderson’s second Pompey career lasted the best part of one game, but Milan Lalkovic promised much yet failed to deliver thanks largely his injury niggles.

The Conor Wilkinson Blink-And-You-Missed-It Pompey Career Tribute

Tareiq Holmes-Dennis edges out Sylvain Deslandes with the left-back’s Pompey career lasting 39 minutes of the opening-day win over Rochdale.

Noel Blake Award for Best Own-Goal

Matty Done excelled himself with a clinical headed finish past his own keeper to earn a late draw at Rochdale.

The Carl Tiler Trophy for Poor Timing

The mild-mannered Nathan Thompson gets in Alex Mowatt’s face in the Sunday TV game, and with no Premier League programme, ends up the top story on Sky Sports News.

The Graham Carey Medal for Best Opposing Player

The Plymouth winger was looking to win the honour outright by taking the title for the third year.

Wigan pair Michael Jacobs and Nick Powell are contenders along with Blackburn’s Bradley Dack, but his Rovers’ team-mate Charlie Mulgrew stands apart.

Mark Burchill Rosette for Mysterious Bench Time

Conor Chaplin must’ve forgotten to give Kenny Jackett a Christmas card or neglected to wish him happy birthday.

The Ricky Hatton Doppelgänger Vase

It’s said that Pompey assistant manager Joe Gallen’s brother is former QPR striker Kevin, but we know the truth...

The Benjani Shield For Tearful Goodbyes

It was sad to see the likes of Gary Roberts and Kyle Bennett depart, but the same can be said for academy coach Mikey Harris – the successor to Linvoy Primus’ nicest man in football title – who left for Brighton.

The Pompey v Wycombe ‘13 Plate For Inclement Conditions

Pompey’s defence aquaplaning around Ewood Park in the torrential rain is outdone by the March blizzard at Oldham. We were informed by locals it was beach weather.

The Sulaiman Al-Fahim Jersey

The ridiculed former Pompey owner rocked up in the directors’ box in an ill-fitting away shirt.

Michael Eisner prefers to complete his look with a natty Pompey woolly hat.

The We’re On Our Way Grammy for Catchy Chants

The lads from the Isle of Wight who peddled their ditty to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Bad Moon Rising until it became the terrace anthem of the season.

The Warwick Services Quality Food Award

It may be an uninspiring Italian-American restaurant chain to most, but Frankie & Benny’s has saved the press corps’ famished appetites on countless occasions.

The chippy at Rochdale is highly commended, too.