The Cross Word: New season - but some things never change

Adam Webster. Picture: Joe Pepler
Adam Webster. Picture: Joe Pepler
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So here we are at the dawn of a new season.

Hopes and expectations are once again high as Paul Cook takes on the challenge of getting Pompey out of English football’s basement tier at the third attempt.

There are sure to be a heck of a lot of twists and turns over the next nine months.

But, in the world of Pompey, some things are inevitable, so I’ve devised a light-hearted hit-list of things that are guaranteed to happen in the campaign ahead.

n Someone will post a message at demanding for Paul Cook’s sacking. Even if he wins every game this season.

n Someone will post a message at asking what’s going on with David Connolly?

n Someone will post a message at saying the manager is ‘tactically naive’.

n Barry Harris will ring up with the sports desk with a statistic for us to use.

n Iain McInnes’ animated antics in the directors’ box will really, really annoy officials from a rival club.

n McInnes will not care a jot that his animated antics are really, really annoying officials from a rival club.

n Alan Knight will spill something in the press box.

n Adam Webster will do an interview. He’s promised he’s not shy anymore.

n Morecambe’s Kevin Ellison will do his best to wind up supporters, and any Pompey player who goes near him.

n It will somehow end up being a miserable afternoon at AFC Wimbledon.

n Guy Whittingham’s Tartan blanket will be unfurled at some stage.

n Accrington, Morecambe and Hartlepool won’t get any closer.

n But the Morecambe trek will be made more palatable by their pie and mushy peas.

n A game oop north will be moved to a Saturday lunchtime kick-off – and you’ll have to leave at pub closing time on Friday night to make it.

n Kev the kitman will tell a really bad joke.

n Chief executive Mark Catlin will tell a really bad joke.

n Pompey press steward Mick Hogan will tell a lot of bad jokes.

n The News’ video preview will wind up an opposing manager.

n It will take the GDP of Burkina Faso to take a family to an away game. And the GDP of Burkina Faso and Benin if they want to eat and drink.

n A player will take a torrent of abuse on Twitter - and you’ll wonder why do they bother.

n Ricky Holmes will have a blinder against Pompey.

n A player will tell The News he doesn’t read the paper, but know the marks out of 10 everyone received on Saturday.

n Warwick Services will not possess anything which looks remotely like food by Saturday night.

n But you will pay the GDP of Burkina Faso for the food which doesn’t look remotely like food.

n Supporters will ask Pompey fans who the gentleman with the bell is?

n We will believe this is our year.