We’ve gathered some of our favourite jokes from the Portsmouth Comedy Forum Facebook page.
Have you got a great joke you would like to share? You can email us at [email protected] with subject line ‘Blue Monday Joke’, send us a message on Facebook or on Twitter.
We’ll include the best in The News tomorrow!
Dom Mackie – Blue Monday? Finally a ‘smurf appreciation day’
Adam Perks – Two pieces of fruit sat on a hill, suddenly another piece of fruit rolls past. One fruit turns to the other and says: ‘Wow look at that man-go.’
Elle Bert – I met a lactose intolerant beaver the other day. He was telling me about all his dams. He said: ’I’ve got a dam for every letter of the alphabet. I’ve got 25 dams.’ I said there are 26 letters in the alphabet. Turns out... he doesn’t have an edam.
Jack Bartlett - I was looking at a job description the other day that I thought was right up my street, till I read that they’re after people who can work across multiple teams and are flexible. Well, that’s me out, I can’t do handstands!
Graham Rice – Successful mimes: it’s always the quiet ones.
Mat Cunningham - Customer: These cakes are very different prices, but they look exactly the same?
Baker: this one’s Madeira #Notminebutthekidslikeit
Adam Perks – Why did the ruler get fired? Because he couldn’t measure up.
Jack Bartlett – How do you get rid of a shopaholic? You tell them to shoe!
Darren Armitstead - I asked my friend how his first day working down the sewer went. He said he felt drained.
Liam Fowler - My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad I finally had to take the bike off of him.
Simon Wilson - As a child I was raised on a points based reward system, the better I was the more points I got and points mean prizes! Just a shame the police dont have the same ethos.