Waterlooville mum felt 'societal pressures' to work soon after miscarriage 'as if nothing was happening'

Sam Canaway, 40, suffered the tragedy in 2017 while trying for a baby with husband Alan.

Following an initial round of IVF treatment, the expected child’s heartbeat stopped ten weeks later.

Mrs Canaway said she wanted to have medical procedures to ease the physical pain but ‘mother nature had other ideas’, so it happened naturally.

Shortly afterwards, she was back at work.

‘Weirdly, I was still trying to carry on as normal as if nothing was happening,’ the 40-year-old told The News.

‘I was in a cycle of trying to block out what was happening.

‘There was also the want and need to work and keep financially stable, as I was in the prospect of going down the IVF route again.

‘It was societal pressures. There’s pressure on women nowadays to be able to have it all, a family and a career.’

The Waterlooville mum said she spent a long-time being career focused – often being a different person there than away from work.

She found it difficult to blend both worlds while grieving.

Mrs Canaway became unwell after the miscarriage – being signed off work by medical professionals for two weeks to mentally and physically recover.

She added she was ‘extremely lucky’ to have a ‘supportive’ boss throughout.

‘I felt like they were the only person I felt comfortable to talk to in the organisation,’ Mrs Canaway said.

‘I wasn’t overly comfortable sharing with multiple people, which on reflection isn’t something that is talked about.

‘Naturally, women do not feel ok to talk at work about having a family, because it could be frowned upon.

‘I was encouraged to take that time off and look after myself.’

The mum said it is vital for miscarriage sufferers to get support from their employer, friends, family and medical professionals, otherwise ‘people will push through it’.

By sharing her story, Mrs Canaway hopes others will find a safe space to discuss their loss and manage it.

She said it took her six months to come to terms with the miscarriage, though the pain is still there.

‘It’s such a taboo subject we shy away from, which is why I’m passionate about trying to change that,’ Mrs Canaway said.

‘It’s so common, and people are living with this trauma on a daily basis. Many are suffering in silence.

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‘You don’t get over it. It still lives with me on a daily basis, and there are certain triggers, but you learnt to live with it as time goes by.

‘Now, I support others who approach me behind the scenes.’

Mrs Canaway said policies have to be in place to allow for compassionate leave for miscarriage sufferers, and to offer routes of professional help if necessary.

She currently works with Tommy’s, a charity which helps those coping with baby loss.

After five rounds of IVF and other hardships, the Canaway’s have 18-month-old Robyn.

‘There can be some days when it is dark and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, but actually, there can be that happy ending, and we’re extremely lucky to have our little girl,’ she said.

‘She is a breath of fresh air after a tough road to get there.’