8 awkward questions to ask your funeral director

From divided families to quirky requests, the team at The Co-operative Funeralcare covering Portsmouth and the south coast tackles the awkward questions you’ve always wanted to know.
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Published 26th Aug 2022, 07:05 BST
Fun-loving celebrations or divided families – how to handle awkward funeral situations.Fun-loving celebrations or divided families – how to handle awkward funeral situations.
Fun-loving celebrations or divided families – how to handle awkward funeral situations.

While many people opt for a conventional funeral – or a pre-paid funeral plan with everything agreed and decided beforehand – circumstances don’t always make that an easy option.

From the cost-of-living crisis to families divided, many factors can leave loved ones with awkward questions about what they can and can’t do.

Here, Sally Cornwell, Funeral and Memorial Consultant, for The Co-operative Funeralcare has the answers.

The Co-operative Funeralcare covers Portsmouth and the south coastThe Co-operative Funeralcare covers Portsmouth and the south coast
The Co-operative Funeralcare covers Portsmouth and the south coast

We can’t agree what to do after cremation – can we split the ashes?

Yes! You can divide them into portions to share with family, or even mix them with a loved one who has died either at the same time, or whose ashes you still have. This way everyone gets to do what they want to do.

Just how much ashes do we actually get back?

It can vary depending on the age and weight of the deceased, but anything from an egg-cup full to the equivalent of a two litre bottle.

I don’t like to think of ashes sitting in an urn forever – but what else can I do?

Some families like to keep the ashes, others like to scatter or bury them in a special place like a church or woodland burial ground, but many want more innovative options to reflect their loved one’s life.

Even a tiny amount of ashes can be turned into a diamond for jewellery, we can send them into Space, have them buried in a vault at sea or even used to make a truly unique painting!

As long as it is legal and ethical, The Co-operative Funeralcare will be as accommodating as we possibly can be.

What is the best way to pay for a funeral?

None of us like to think about the end of life, but by planning ahead we can reduce the burden on the people we love, any difficult decisions, at a painful time. A pre-paid funeral plan allows you to arrange and pay for your funeral in advance of need, providing emotional and financial peace of mind for you and your family.

We were estranged – am I legally obliged to pay for my dad’s funeral?

The next of kin can claim the costs of the funeral from the deceased’s estate, so the payment can come from the deceased’s own finances, rather than your pocket.

No individual has the legal responsibility to pay for a funeral they don’t want to pay for, or have not contracted to pay for.

This means you don’t have to play an active role in a funeral if you don’t want to, either in organising it, paying for it or even attending it.

You don’t have to justify your reasons, simply state you do not wish to be involved.

What happens if I can’t afford to pay for a funeral?

As the cost-of-living crisis hits home many close, loving families find themselves in this situation. You can claim funeral expenses payments from the government if you are in receipt of certain benefits, and if you lose a husband, wife or civil partner you claim a bereavement support payment.

Some charities will give out grants, and some families opt to crowd fund to give the send-off they wish they could afford themselves.

If there is nobody who can, or wants to, pay for the funeral, the local council may assist.

Mum always loved a good laugh – is it wrong to incorporate that in her funeral?

Absolutely not! A funeral can be a celebration of life, and can incorporate as much of the deceased’s personality as possible. This can include no hymns and prayers in favour of pop songs or limericks, channelling Rodney and Delboy and using an Only Fools and Hearses vehicle, or, as we did for one farmer, carry the coffin in one of his own agricultural diggers rather than a hearse!

Granny hated waste, and was an eco-warrior ahead of her time. Can we reflect that?

‘Green’ funerals can take many forms, including cardboard or wicker coffins, woodland or natural burials, and our Tesla-hearse, which is completely emission free.

And as the lockdown rules showed us, you don’t even have to travel to attend a funeral any more. We can live-stream to anywhere in the world, so relatives don’t have travel to pay their respects.

If you want to know more you can speak to The Co-operative Funeralcare, which has almost 60 branches along the south coast. Call 0800 008 6878 or visit www.funeralcare.co.uk

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