DEAR FIONA: Can I stay with my husband after his racist remarks?
Our agony aunt attempts to solve your problems
But when I told my husband he acted very strangely.
At first he got angry and said it wasn’t right for me to be a bridesmaid as I was married.
Then he tried to talk me out of going at all.
He went on like this for a couple of days until I lost my temper and told him she was my best friend and there was no way he was going to stop me.
Finally, he confessed that it was because my friend’s fiancé is Indian!
In the five years that I’ve known my husband, I’ve never even suspected that he was a racist.
Ever since, we’ve hardly spoken to one another, and I just don’t know what to do next.
I think I love him, but I don’t think I know him anymore, and I just can’t forgive this blatant racism.
AYou’ve suddenly found that your husband is not the man you thought he was and this must be very upsetting for you.
While every marriage requires compromise from time to time, compromising on fundamental beliefs is very difficult indeed.
If this is something you feel very strongly about, continuing to share your life with someone whose views are completely opposed to your own will be difficult - if not impossible.
To stand a chance of rescuing this situation, you need to talk to one another – and soon.
Like you, I find your husband’s views offensive, but unless you can find a way to acknowledge each other’s beliefs and either change them or learn to live with them, this will simply fester.
If this doesn’t happen, perhaps you need to consider what is more important to you - your marriage or your principles.