Did I make a huge mistake in marrying my husband? | Agony Aunt

Question: My second husband was a widower and is now 81 while I’m 74. I think we were both lonely and companionship was important to us.

We’d only been married for about four months when lockdown started and we have been getting on one another’s nerves.

There no togetherness, and he has said many times that he would not have married me had he known I couldn’t dance as well as him. He shows me very little affection, except when he wants some himself.

Sometimes he’s lovely, kind and generous, but he can also be verbally abusive, a perfectionist and a bully. I don’t know if I should leave him or not.

Answer: Just because you married when you are older, doesn’t mean you can’t make a mistake.

You mention that he can be verbally abusive and a bully. This is not acceptable. If you can’t work things out together, perhaps consider relationship counselling (relate.org.uk). There is no age limit on trying to have a happy and healthy relationship.

SHOULD I TELL MY FAMILY ABOUT MY OTHER DAUGHTER?

Question: Almost 30 years ago, I found myself pregnant and on my own. At the time I was only 18. I decided to give my baby girl up for adoption, as it seemed like the best thing to do for her at the time. I have never stopped wondering, though, if I did the right thing. I’ve not told my husband or my two children by him (25 and 22).

How they would react to knowing they have a step-daughter/elder sister of 29?

Should I tell them – just in case my daughter should reappear?

Answer: I feel you would be wise to talk to your family, if only to prepare them should your daughter decide she wants to see you. I would suggest you tell your husband first.

When you are ready do please add your details to the Adoption Contact Register at the General Register Office. It’s the place to either find a birth relative or an adopted person. It is also the place to register the fact that you don’t want to be contacted, if that’s what you decide.