I can’t stop thinking about my ex after I saw him | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your questions.

Tuesday, 25th May 2021, 10:37 am
Fiona advises a woman who can't stop thinking about her ex-boyfriend. Picture: Alamy/PA.

Question: Last month, I bumped into an old boyfriend. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since. We parted about nine years ago, when he ditched me for someone else. I chatted to him and even suggested we go for a drink. I really don’t know what I was thinking, because I am happily married with two children. He declined but gave me his business card though. The thing is though, will I be able to resist making contact with him? I truly love my husband, but this was my first love.

Answer: I’m fairly certain it is something you should resist. It’s very hard not to have a strong emotional reaction to the first person you fell in love with – even when you’re in love with someone else.Try to accept what has happened. He is not someone you need to see again, nor I suspect does he really want to see you, otherwise he would have tried a lot harder. Put the past behind you where it belongs, and concentrate on building a future with the man you love and your children.


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Question: My boyfriend and I got together a year ago, and while lockdown kept us apart initially, we moved in together before Christmas. We both agreed from the start that we would keep one night each week free to do things separately.

He didn’t seem to go out much but spent a lot of time on his computer. Now lockdown restrictions are easing, he says he wants to go out and meet up with other girls on our night apart. I’m worried it won’t be long before he meets someone else and leaves me. I don’t want to lose him, so should I try and put a stop to it?

Answer: I wonder why your boyfriend feels the need to date other women if he’s with you. Is that what he thinks you’re doing? Have you asked him what’s going on, and told him how you feel?

He may just be waiting for you to insist that he stops and thus show that you love and want only him. It could be a case of a very fragile male ego! Either way, it sounds like you both need to talk about this.