I’ve lost confidence since leaving my cheating husband | Agony Aunt

Question: My husband had been having affairs for most of our married life and when I kicked him out two years ago, it seemed most of my family and friends admired me for being brave.

Having been on my own ever since though, most of these so-called friends have drifted away and I have become very lonely, especially over the past year.

I still have all the wonderful plans and dreams I had when I was younger, but now I’m simply too scared. I used to be so outgoing and confident, yet now I feel like a total coward.

Answer: Start things off by getting in touch with some of those that drifted away – I’m sure most of them, if not all of them, will be delighted to hear from you. You’ve come through a messy separation and whilst your confidence has been dented, your dreams are intact.

To hang on to something positive like this takes strength and suggests to me that you have what it takes to gradually recapture the old you.

I THINK I HAVE ANGER ISSUES

Question: I have always been known as someone who could get the job done, and I admit I can be confrontational. In the past, this has served me well and my career reflects this, but over the past couple of years I feel I’ve been getting worse. I become angry far too easily when things don’t go quite as I want them to.

At some stage, something they say or do will annoy me and I’ll explode.

My wife and friends are clearly getting fed up with this, and at work I have been given a formal warning for apparently bullying a junior colleague.

What’s wrong with me?

Answer: To suggest you take an assertiveness training course may sound odd to you, but you need to learn that assertiveness is not aggression. A course that covers anger management as well would be useful.

I’d encourage you to go on the Reed website (reed.co.uk), which has hundreds of courses you can access. Some are free, some are paid for, and I’d encourage you to investigate this as soon as possible.