My cheating boyfriend made me the ‘other woman’ – Fiona Caine

Our agony aunt solves your personal problems.

Tuesday, 9th April 2019, 10:14 am
Updated Tuesday, 9th April 2019, 10:22 am
Picture: iStock/PA.

Question: For the past two years, I have been having a relationship with an old boyfriend.

Over the past few months, though, we saw less and less of each other. I was afraid we were drifting apart but was completely unprepared for him turning up at my flat last month wearing a wedding ring.

When I asked him about it, he quickly took it off and said that he thought he had told me he'd got married just over a year ago. It turns out I have been the ‘other woman’ and I feel so stupid. 

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Answer: Please let go of this guilt, you did nothing wrong. There is no reason why you would have known about his marriage, so you're completely innocent as far as being the 'other woman' is concerned.

Have some sympathy for his wife because I'm sure she doesn't know that the man she married was still conducting an affair with an old girlfriend and continued to do so after the wedding!

He's a selfish, inconsiderate cheat and you've done the right thing by ending it immediately. 

 

Question: I separated from the girl I loved two years ago but it's not getting any easier, especially now she has started seeing a guy I used to work with. He left his wife a few months ago and has already moved in with my ex.

My problem is I still love her and think about her all the time. I had hoped to get back with her but, now that this guy is around, I don't know what to do. Why didn't he try to save his marriage before coming after my ex?

Answer:  I'm afraid this is something that you need to come to terms with. Nothing you said in your longer letter gives me the impression this lady had any thoughts of re-starting your relationship.

I'm sorry if this seems harsh but, deep down, I think you know the time has come to move on. Hanging onto the slim hope of an unlikely reconciliation is preventing you from getting on with your life. If you struggle to get this process started, please consider talking to a Relate counsellor (relate.org.uk).