Portsmouth couple praise their 'selfless' best friend who had their baby

They are giving the gift of life.

And for Chantelle Wyatt, she did not only give the gift of life to baby Ralph, but also the gift of parenthood to her two best friends.

Chantelle, known as Chan, was the surrogate for Scott and Joshua Turner-Griffiths’ baby boy, born on January 15, 2020.

Scott, from North End, smiles and says: ‘Chan has given us the most selfless gift in the world and it couldn’t have been anyone else.’

Chan and Scott, both 35, have been friends since school but have always managed to keep in touch.

Chan, who writes for a scuba diving magazine, says: ‘We went to Horndean Community School together.

‘We had a little group at school and we have stayed in touch.’

Despite Scott and Chan being so close, Chan didn't meet Scott's husband Josh until they started talking about surrogacy.

Josh, originally from Oxford, says: ‘Scott and I married in Hawaii in 2016.

‘We met in a bar at Soho. We lived in London, then we moved to Switzerland and then to Beijing where we’ve been for seven years,’ adds Scott.

Josh, 29, who works as an art director for a Chinese fashion company, says: ‘Whenever we came back to Portsmouth, Scott would go and see Chan and his friends and I was always busy.

‘I met Chan for the first time three years ago after she offered to be a surrogate for Scott .’

The couple had been discussing starting a family for a couple of years and thought about adoption.

Scott says: ‘We looked into adoption first because it’s more common.

‘But, living in China as a British expatriate, the only options we had were to adopt a Chinese baby or adopt a British baby because of our citizenship.

‘At the time everyone told us to move back to the UK to adopt. But we weren’t really ready to come home.

‘We weren’t able to adopt a child from the UK to live in China because we wouldn't be able to take the child out of the UK because of all the follow-ups. It wasn’t possible.

‘At that point, we started thinking about surrogacy.'

The Turner-Griffiths’ return home to the UK five times a year on average for Scott's buying trips and Josh’s work and they always spend a couple of days in Portsmouth.

Scott says: ‘Our friends went out as a group in Portsmouth and we were talking about who was going to be next to have children.

‘They were asking if Josh and I would have a surrogate and I said we hadn’t discussed it a lot.

‘And then Chan messaged me on Facebook and offered.’

Chan explains: ‘It seemed like the right thing to do.

‘I didn’t know if they would say yes but I thought about it for ages before I offered.

‘When I decided to mention it to them, I didn’t know how they would take it and if they wanted it to be a stranger.’

Chan says her partner Dan has been very supportive throughout.

‘He’s got two children. I definitely didn’t want to have children and I was quite comfy with the dynamic we already had.

‘He’s a dad so he understands why people want to have kids.’

When Scott received Chan’s message, he admits that he ignored her.

‘At the time I thought she didn’t really know what she was offering so I didn’t reply. A couple of months went by and she pinged me another message about it. I then of course put the idea to Josh.

‘We started talking about it but Josh had never met Chan.

Josh explains: ‘I was a bit hesitant. I didn’t know Chan’s intentions and I felt a bit uncomfortable.

‘So then we started these communications as a three and then we put everything out on the table.’

At Christmas 2016, the Turner-Griffiths' jetted off to Chicago on a fact-finding mission about surrogacy. Scott says: ‘We had an appointment with a fertility clinic in Chicago because Illinois is one of the most liberal states in America for surrogacy.

‘But it was very businessy. And that to us felt too clinical and it didn’t feel organic.’

The couple compared surrogacy in the UK and the US before choosing an approach.

Josh explains: ‘In the US, surrogacy is really seen as a business or something for financial gain. You don’t really meet the woman, you just get the baby.

‘We wanted to be involved in the pregnancy because it’s also our pregnancy.

‘In the UK it’s totally the opposite. It’s illegal to make a real financial profit out of surrogacy.

Scott continues: ‘What we did like about the US approach at first was when you start the process the surrogate mother signs a document that her embryo growing in her belly is not hers and that it was legally binding.

‘Whereas in the UK that can’t happen. Chan is considered the birth mother until we can apply for a parental order when the baby is six weeks old, which we’re going through now.

‘That was a real sticking point for Josh before knowing Chan because there was no legally binding aspect to this.’

When all three met for this first time, it was all laid out on the table. Chan says: ‘From day one, nothing was too uncomfortable to ask and we’ve all been very honest. It’s been incredible.

‘After the first meeting Josh understood Chan,’ says Scott.

‘A lot of people who have wondered how a woman who doesn’t have children could do this, have then met Chan and understood (her intentions).’

Chan adds: ‘Naturally a lot of people were apprehensive for us because this is a huge decision. Telling people was a bit scary because you don’t know how they’re going to react.

‘But everyone was really onboard.’

The trio said none of them told anyone for months, not even family and friends.

Together, they contacted a surrogacy lawyer in London for advice and also had counselling individually and as a group.

Through Wessex Fertility, based in Hampshire, the trio started the IVF process with Chan having daily injections and hormone levellers.

‘Scott came to all my appointments at the beginning. They dealt with a lot of the admin side of it, I didn’t have to think about where I would be or what I would have to do next. They would explain it all to me so it was easy.

Scott: ‘I was amazed we did that because we were living in China with the eight-hour time difference. We felt really helpless.

‘We were flying back for IVF appointments, scans and just offering as much support as possible.

‘When we had the egg retrieval, we got 17 eggs and they say 10-12 is normal. Twelve were then fertilised.

‘The clinic call you to say how they’re progressing. On day two, we had eight; on day three we had six and on day five we had four.’

‘It was scary to see the numbers go down. I was nervous then,’ admits Chan.

She adds: ‘But once you’re pregnant, there’s not a lot you can do anyway. It was kind of a waiting game. But it worked first time.

Scott says: ‘Our involvement in the process is quite minimal compared to what Chan has to go through but the amount of stress and emotional energy throughout was such a big thing. Without meaning to put too much emphasis on it, there was so much hope riding on it.’

During the pregnancy, Chan would send Josh and Scott daily pictures of how she was looking while they were in China.

Scott came back to Portsmouth in mid-November, last year, after he left his job, while Josh carried on working.

Josh adds: ‘It was tough because I felt I didn’t get to experience any scans but Chan would take videos of the heart beat so we would all be really involved.’

Six days after her due date, Chan started having contractions on January 14, while she was coincidentally with Josh and Scott in Southsea.

But it wasn’t until January 15 at 8.16pm that baby Ralph arrived at Princess Anne Hospital, Southampton.

Chan says: ‘People have asked if I would do it again but I wouldn’t do it for a stranger. It hasn’t made me want to have children. For me, I think pregnancy was a life tick.

‘I look at Ralph and see him as Josh and Scott’s baby.’

Josh and Scott were planning to return to China in the spring and have put it on hold because of the coronavirus outbreak.

‘We have got four pets as well and we miss them severely,’ adds Josh.

Scott says:‘In the future Ralph will know that Chan is the birth mother. Chan has written a lengthy diary about it for him.

Scott: ‘It’s been a dream to be a parent. We feel blessed.’