Should I give my cheating husband another chance? | Agony Aunt

Our counsellor Fiona Caine answers your questions.

By Fiona Caine
Tuesday, 15th September 2020, 9:39 am
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman whose husband cheated on her but now wants her back. Picture: PA.
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman whose husband cheated on her but now wants her back. Picture: PA.

Question: After 22 years of marriage, my husband and I separated three years ago. He’d had numerous affairs, which really upset me – but when he had an affair with my best friend, it was the final straw.Before too long, I had found a better job and a home of my own – for the first time in my life, I have a promising job with real prospects, I’m financially independent, and I really love the work I do. So now why on earth am I even considering his request to try again? He’s promised, repeatedly, that things will be different – but how can I be sure?

Answer: It’s natural that you should still have doubts about your separation – after all you were married to this man for 22 years. It’s also natural that you’re reluctant to give up your newly-found independence and freedom. The fact that you have uncertainties does not mean you made the wrong decision in separating. You need to balance whether what you feel you will gain by going back to him is worth more than what you’re being asked to give up.

My ex-boyfriend is dating my best friend

Question: I was going out with my boyfriend for two years until a couple of months ago when he told me he loved me. I felt he was putting too much pressure on me and we split up.I told him I needed a bit of space to think about what he said – but he took that to mean I didn’t want to be with him any more. He then started going out with one of my friends and that made me realise that I do love him and would like us to get back together.Is it too late to get him back?

Answer: If he was able to walk away from you straight into the arms of someone else, I suspect his depth of feeling for you wasn’t as strong as he thought it was. You were cautious and, I think, probably rightly so. Whether his relationship with your friend will last, who knows? I know breaking up isn’t easy, but I think you should trust your initial instincts about this young man and start looking for a new relationship elsewhere – or just enjoy life for a while until the right person comes along.