My boyfriend’s proposed but I don’t want marriage

Trained counsellor Fiona Caine gives relationship advice

Thursday, 6th June 2019, 11:41 am
Updated Tuesday, 11th June 2019, 10:50 am
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who does not want to marry her boyfriend

Q I have lived in a flat with a guy for four years. We’re good together and have a lot in common, but that’s as far as I ever wanted things to go.

Now he’s said that he loves me and wants to get married. I don’t love him and certainly don’t want to get married.

What do I do?

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A I doubt it. He seems to have built up an expectation that your relationship would lead to commitment, and that's not surprising really as you've been together happily for four years.

All I can suggest is that you let him down as gently as you can and soon.

He is sure to feel hurt and rejected but nothing will be gained by delaying, except more pain for him.

I would be very surprised if your relationship survives this, so you'll also probably need to discuss living arrangements.

You may be able to continue sharing the same flat, but I think it more likely that one of you will need to move out. I'm sorry I can't be more positive.

Q I’m 47, have two teenage children and work in a busy office. I’ve always been an ‘in control’ person, so the fact that I now snap at everyone around me seems odd.

In the past few months, I’ve upset my whole family and my two closest colleagues at work. Last week I tore a strip off my daughter for simply being late for dinner.

I hate the person I have become.

My sister thinks I am going through the menopause. Could she be right?

A Absolutely, and I suggest you talk to your GP immediately about hormone replacement therapy treatments if appropriate.

If it is that, you could also explore alternative or other natural remedies – but make sure you get some professional advice.

If it’s not menopause, is anything else causing you to feel stressed?

Are you getting enough sleep?

Either way, a chat with your doctor is the most sensible place to start.