'What have I done here?' - former Portsmouth and Aston Villa favourite jokes about the £10,000 error he made amid Fratton Park reality check

‘What do you mean we clean our own kit?’ That’s the reality Paul Merson was confronted with on the very first day he reported for duty as a Portsmouth player back in August 2002.

But just like his genius on the pitch, he was able to spot a way out of the perceived trouble that should ultimately leave him celebrating another win.

Or so the former Aston Villa, Arsenal and England forward thought. That’s until he and his new Pompey team-mates only went and lifted the old First Division title back in his one and only season at Fratton Park.

That famous rise to the Premier League cost the then Blues captain £10,000 - and all because the fans’ favourite didn’t want to wash his own dirty shorts and socks! An expensive own goal if ever there was one! Meanwhile, the beneficiary, according to raconteur Merse, was none other than Kev the Kitman, who no doubt enjoyed watching Harry Redknapp’s side win the league that season more than most!

Of course, Merson and Redknapp are two of a kind and can be accused, on occasions, of not letting the truth get in the way of a good story. But appearing on BBC Scotland’s Sacked in the Morning podcast, the now 56-year-old hadn’t forgotten the day that particular gamble failed to pay off.  

Speaking to presenters Amy Irons and Craig Levein, he quipped: ‘I’ll tell you a quick story when I was at Portsmouth.

‘So I signed for Portsmouth, so first day’s training - now I’ve come from Villa and Villa’s an unbelievable football club, it doesn’t get the recognition, and the size of the club, it’s just a massive football club. I loved it at Villa, I mean I probably played my best football at Villa over a consistent amount of time. 

‘So I go into the dressing room after training one day and I take all my kit off and I throw it on the floor, in the middle of the dressing room. At Arsenal and places like Villa and all that, they wash your kit, you turn up the next day and all your kit’s hanging up or rolled up in a towel ready for training again.

‘So I throw my kit on the floor and all the lads started laughing. I said: “What you laughing at?” They said: “We clean our own kit here!” I said: “Clean your own kit?” I said: “We’re a Championship team, what do you mean we clean our own kit?” 

‘So straight away I’m thinking: “What have I done here?” So all of a sudden one of the lads  went:  “the kit man will clean it for you for £30 a month or £30 a week”, something like that it was. So I was on a big bonus if we got promoted, so I said to him: “I tell you what, Kev, clean my kit for nothing and at the end of the season, if we get promoted, I’ll give you £10,000”.

‘We got promoted, didn’t we! Portsmouth had finished bottom six every year for the last 10 years and we went and won the league! He went to me: “I can’t have cash, can I?” I had to meet him at the service station with £10,000 for cleaning my kit!”

Merson scored 12 goals in 45 appearances for Pompey during the 2002-03 season. He’s still considered by many members of the Fratton faithful to be among the best players to ever play for the club.