The ideal Portsmouth wingman for a date, the biggest hard nut in a pub brawl and the ideal sidekick for an epic away day

Portsmouth Football Club is a special club, a football club laden in history and achievement.

Thursday, 17th December 2020, 4:13 pm
Peter Crouch and Arthur Conan Doyle feature in our Pompey personality test

It’s also a football club with a rich tapestry of characters across its 122-year history which is virtually unparalleled in the game.

From Field Marshal Montgomery in the boardroom to Barry and Kev in the kitroom, it’s the personality of the club and the people within it which gives Pompey its unique identity and charm.

Well, now is the time to tap into that library of folk for a not-so-serious personality test which may (or probably won’t at all) reveal much about what kind of Pompey character you are.

Sign up to our Portsmouth FC newsletter

The i newsletter cut through the noise

Below are 15 slightly irreverent scenarios which need you to harness your knowledge to see which figure(s) connected with the club you would call on.

1. It’s closing time at the Shepherd’s Crook. Skinhead Steve’s worked his way across the optics and now wants to take you on with his boys. Who do you want next to you?

Mick Kennedy

Michael Doyle

Darren Moore

Billy Gilbert


2. Day three of your Ibiza stag do. You’re in pieces, the Looky Looky man’s had your wallet after a 3am Jäger train crash and the apartment smells of rotting corpses doused in Kouros and Joop. Who do want to raise the spirits?

Peter Crouch

Simon Ferry

Harry Redknapp


3. You’re on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. You’re up for the £1m question with just a phone a friend left. Who do you want on the other end of the line?

Christian Burgess

David James

Barry Harris


4.Your daughter says she’s met the one and would like to introduce you to the man she wants to spend her life with. Who do you want to walk through the door?

Kenny Jackett

Matt Taylor

Brett Pitman


5. Your life is on the line in a game of World Cup one v one against Leo Messi. Who do you want fighting your corner?

Andres D’Alessandro

Paul Walsh


Robert Prosinecki


6. You’re up in court on a crimes to fashion charge. Who do you bring in as your star witness to sweet-talk the jury and secure your freedom?

Harry Redknapp

Marie Curtis

Mark Catlin


7. You’re stuck in a room for the rest of your life with one game on repeat. What’s your choice?

FA Cup final v Cardiff

The 4-1 Demolition Derby

The FA Cup semi-final v Spurs

AC Milan


8. You’re on the Titanic with every figure connected with Pompey in history. Sod the women and children, you’ve nabbed a lifeboat and have got space to save three of your Blues heroes. Who gets a berth?

9. You’ve been putting in the hard yards with an absolute worldie for months. You finally get the breakthrough and they want to meet up on Saturday night. There’s a late curveball though, and they want to make it a double date. Who’s your wingman?

Ronan Curtis

Gareth Evans

Conor Chaplin


10. It’s Sunderland at the Stadium of Light with your mates. You can give one ticket to any Pompey fan past or present. Who gets to join you for an epic away day?

Arthur Conan Doyle

Field Marshal Montgomery

Ian Darke

Fred Dinenage


11. You’ve got the call from the WWE to enter the next Wrestlemania and fight for the title. Who do you enlist as your tag-team partner?

Linvoy Primus

Lomana Lualua

Marko Futacs

Noel Blake


12. Your mate who loves football but isn’t quite good enough to play the game has had enough of trying to round up 11 hungover mates on a Sunday morning and quits managing your team. If Carlsberg did parks league managers, which Pompey boss is his successor?

Alan Ball

Paul Cook

Harry Redknapp

Bob Jackson


13. You’ve got to invite a figure connected to Pompey into your house to stay with your other half while you’re away for the weekend. Who do you entrust?

Kenny Jackett

Kev the Kitman

Linvoy Primus


14. You’ve made it to the final four on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out or Here! You’ve got the pick of Pompey history to join you for Celebrity Cyclone and your last supper. Who are the three people you choose?

15. It’s Pompey Mastermind for a season ticket for life. Who’s the best Blues anorak to get you that seat at Fratton?

Barry Harris

Johnny Moore

Colin Farmery


A message from the Editor, Mark Waldron

The News has launched a new subscription offer which gives you unlimited access to all of our Pompey coverage, starting at less than £1 a week.

You can subscribe here to get the latest news and transfer updates from Fratton Park - and to support our local team of expert Pompey writers.