'We'll never get over his death, not in this life': The heartbreaking story of tragic ex-Portsmouth, Spurs and Charlotte FC man Anton Walkes

Kelly Griffiths visits her son’s grave daily. Settling into a fold-up chair and, on particularly cold days, clutching a hot water bottle, she remains by his side until Brockley and Ladywell Cemetery closes each evening.

Every third day, she lays fresh flowers, either pink and white lilies or blue roses, her favourites. Knowing the joy it brought his mother, he would regularly order her them.

It is approaching 15 months since the tragic death of Anton Walkes, the former Pompey and Spurs footballer who passed away in a jet-ski accident in Miami, Florida.

Aged 25, he had been attending a 12-day pre-season training camp with MLS side Charlotte FC, having settled in America with partner Alexis and young daughter Ayla.

For the player’s grieving South London-based family, the precise details of the circumstances behind his January 2023 death remain frustratingly sketchy, exacerbating their heartbreaking loss.

Time will never heal, yet Kelly and partner Lee were recently touched by Pompey’s invitation to represent their cherished son at last weekend’s Former Players’ Day at Fratton Park.

As a Wembley winner with the Blues in March 2019, it was a classy gesture - while demonstrating that Walkes will forever remain in the affections of an appreciative Fratton faithful.

‘You need your own space for your thinking time, your crying time, your grieving time. My grieving time is spent visiting Anton. I sit with him every day and talk,’ Kelly told The News, in her first interview since the family’s loss.

‘I know it sounds mad, but I have to be with him, that’s the way I deal with this. It's hard whenever I leave Anton, so I normally stay for 4-5 hours until the cemetery closes.

‘I keep a fold-up chair by his headstone and spend practically all day there in all weathers, rain, wind or snow. Anton was my best friend, we would speak every day on the phone, it’s important I keep talking to him.

‘There are always leaves blowing about his grave, so I tidy it up each day, making sure it’s nice and clean, keeping a fold-up broom and headstone cleaning products in my car. I also take fresh flowers every three days, although they don’t last long. I want it to look perfect.

‘I won’t ever eat around him, that would be disrespectful, Anton loved food so much. Instead I go to Sainsbury’s for a meal deal at lunch time, before coming back in the afternoon.

‘The Sunday morning after we’d been back to Pompey, our family visited Anton. I told him about how our trip went, there’s a whole new team now, but Sean Raggett’s still there. And they’re top of the league, likely to be promoted to the Championship. Anton would love to have achieved that after going close with them.

‘I also told him how he’s made it into Pompey’s 125th Anniversary book and showed him the page. There’s a big picture of him lifting the Checkatrade Trophy. We’re going to put the book into the display case with Anton’s other medals and trophies.

‘Saturday was the first time we’d visited Fratton Park without seeing him there. I cried, it hits you that he’s never coming out after the game to see us with his big beautiful smile, my gentle giant.

‘I do dream about Anton, then you wake up and cry because it hits you like a ton of bricks. Suddenly it’s back to reality. We've no choice but to live day by day, minute by minute, hour by hour, and get through this nightmare.

‘We will never get over this. Not in this life.’

Walkes initially signed for Pompey on loan from Spurs in January 2018, scoring on his debut in a 2-2 draw against Doncaster, before earning a permanent move that summer.

A hugely popular figure among his team-mates, over two years he featured at right-back, left-back, centre-half or as a holding midfielder, totalling 66 appearances and three goals.

He started the Blues’ League One play-off semi-final first leg at Sunderland in May 2019, culminating in the agony of a 1-0 aggregate defeat for a side which had previously led the table for three-and-a-half months.

However, he did taste Wembley glory in March 2019, appearing off the bench in the Checkatrade Trophy final penalty shoot-out victory against the Black Cats.

As a tribute, Walkes’ celebratory photograph with the trophy was included alongside chairman Michael Eisner’s foreword in Pompey’s recently published 125th Anniversary history book - which was officially presented to the family last weekend during the visit of Shrewsbury.

Dad Lee Walkes added: ‘When Pompey’s fans clapped the players off at the final whistle against Shrewsbury, I was in tears. I was visualising Anton on that pitch, applauding the supporters, waving to us.

‘That’s the first time I have watched a full match since he passed, it had become too painful for me to watch football, even on the TV. I look at where he would be, what he would be doing, I watch players making runs and putting in their tackles, and it hurts. It’s still too raw for me.

‘It still feels like Anton passed yesterday. Am I in a dream or a nightmare? Am I dreaming, am I going to wake up?

‘We’ve become reclusive, locked ourselves away. People don’t know how to handle us or are concerned about saying the right things, so I don’t mind that solitude.

‘Apart from Anton’s funeral I haven’t mixed with people. Kelly goes to his grave every day, but I can’t, she’s stronger than me. Yet Pompey was another stepping stone to the healing process, being among people again and speaking.

‘Some fans came up to us, saying nice things about Anton, being lovely, which we really appreciated. The last time we attended a match of his was at Fratton Park and it helped knowing they still think good things about him down there.

‘Anton was kind, loving, down to earth and very humble. We’ve seen some youngsters who grew up with him around football change, they get arrogant, a bit flashy, yet he remained grounded and big-hearted.

‘He’d buy T-shirts for £10 from H&M, never flash, nothing designer. He wasn’t bothered about money, football was what he loved.

‘At the age of 12, for the whole six weeks of one half-term, I decided he wasn’t going to use his right foot and would try to improve his left. After day four, he said “Dad, I don’t want to use my left foot anymore. My leg is hurting”. I had to massage his left calf before he went to bed!

‘It got to the stage where people asked whether he was right or left footed - and he played at both right-back and left-back for Pompey.

‘He was in Leyton Orient’s development centre when Spurs spotted him. He attended a pre-trial with about 60 kids present. The parents weren’t allowed to watch, instead the kids were led away.

‘Later we were pulled into a little room and Spurs’ youth-team coach announced: “We’ve had a look at all your kids today, they’re all good and can improve in certain attributes. But there’s one, in particular, who we’re going to invite back”.

‘It was Anton. I was shocked and started clapping! Then he went to a trial at Spurs and they took him on, playing in the same age group as Kyle Walker-Peters and Harry Winks.

‘Everywhere he went in football, he always played like he was on trial, fighting for a position. He was so versatile, he needed to settle into a role. I’d have liked to have seen him in midfield more because of his speed, his long legs and the way he could use both feet.

‘I felt he would have become such a big star out in America. Even though he was 25, he was just starting his career, he was getting better and better, stronger, and still growing.

‘Anton was 6ft 1in at Pompey and last year measured 6ft 2in! He was still growing as a person and a character, there was plenty more to come.

‘He was a brilliant dad to Ayla, I’m glad I got to see him as a father. I am proud of Anton staying as Anton, there was never a change in him, I cannot believe we’re never going to see him again.’

At a September inquest into Walkes’ death, Southwark Coroner’s Court heard how the footballer was a passenger on a jet ski which collided with a 46ft scarab boat near Miami Marine Stadium.

He received ‘facial trauma’ from the January 2023 accident and passed away the following day, with the cause of death recorded as blunt force trauma.

Charlotte's sporting director Zoran Krneta paid tribute to ‘an outstanding human being’ and heart-broken supporters laid flowers outside the Bank of America Stadium, with the MLS subsequently holding a minute’s silence on the opening day of their 2023 season.

Among mourners at Walkes’ March 2023 funeral in Brockley, Lewisham, were Kenny Jackett, the man who signed him for Pompey, along with Blues legend Alan Knight and the club’s Ashleigh Emberson.

However, Lee insists the family remain in the dark over the full details of the accident - and now want answers.

The self-employed electrician said: ‘We haven’t had any explanation. We are waiting for a full investigation report, we are waiting to hear from the American police. It has been a nightmare.

‘We haven’t chased information, we’re still trying to find strength every day just to see ourselves through before considering taking on this next challenge. But the time is coming where we need to stand up and ask questions, making our own enquiries.

‘We should be told what led up to that day, how Anton and his team-mates came to be on those jet skis. Up until now, we don’t know the full details about what happened other than what we’ve read on the Internet and social media. We’re Anton’s parents.

‘It was pre-season, you’re supposed to have your team protected and wrapped up in their hotel rooms, not riding jet skis. They said the players were on a day off. If that’s the case, Anton would have been at home with his daughter - not doing what killed him. That was no day off.

‘All we know is he was a passenger on a jet ski and was struck by a bigger boat. When we travelled to America following his passing, we met the team and it felt as though they’d been briefed, told to keep quiet. 

‘It has been 14 months and we want answers. You get people saying they’ll help you, but everyone has now disappeared. As parents, there is no getting over this for me and Kelly.

‘We haven’t heard from Charlotte FC since Anton’s funeral. Not on the year anniversary of his passing, not on his birthday, not a bunch of flowers to Kelly on Mother’s Day, absolute squat. This is the player who died while in their care.

‘We are struggling. I try to face everything, I keep myself busy at work to stop me thinking too much. If Anton was here, he’d be telling me to get up, not to let it beat me, I know he would.

‘Time isn’t going to be a great healer in this case. During the last 20 years, me and Kelly have both lost our mums, time has healed with that, but this is a bit different. This is our son, there’s no way we’re going to recover, it ain’t going to happen.

‘Then again, why should I have to get over it? I’m not even going to try. I’m just doing the best I can for my family. This is all we have left.’

Lee and Kelly, accompanied by their children Alana, aged 15, and Anderson, aged 12, visited Anton’s grave last Friday afternoon before embarking on an emotional return to the south coast.

It represented a first Fratton Park trip since watching their son line-up at left-back in a 2-0 victory over Wycombe on Boxing Day 2019, lifting Jackett’s men into eighth in League One.

As guests at Saturday’s Former Players’ Day, they were introduced at half-time to the 20,081 crowd, along with the likes of Benjani, Guy Whittingham, Hermann Hreidarsson and John Milkins.

It has been more than four years since Walkes left the Blues to rejoin MLS side Atlanta United in a reported £100,000 deal, before later switching to Charlotte as a 2021 draft selection.

Yet the Checkatrade Trophy winner will forever occupy a place in the hearts of the Pompey family.

Kelly added: ‘Pompey is where I feel my son was appreciated, right there in Portsmouth. We are so grateful for their love.

‘I cried my eyes out the whole of that two-hour drive to Portsmouth. Coming back wasn’t easy, but something I had to do.

‘We made sure we drove past Anton’s former house in Manor Crescent, Drayton, but couldn’t bring ourselves to stop. We also ate at Leilamezze, his favourite restaurant in Southsea. He loved it there.

‘You couldn’t wish for a better child. I know it’s a cliche, but Anton was perfect from the day he was born until the day he went. Just perfect.

‘He slept through the night as a baby, he walked at eight months, rode a bike at the age of six, and was so big-hearted and generous, always wanting to help others.

‘If we went shopping and he spotted a pair of shoes which he thought suited me, he’d buy them - even when I insisted I didn’t need them! He wouldn’t listen, he wanted to do something nice for me.

‘Those shoes sit in my wardrobe, still in their boxes and unworn. There’s a pair of white Air Jordan trainers and a pair of black high heels. I’ll never wear them now, they’re special.

‘As a family we have helped each other through this, but I’m not the same person. Part of me also went that day Anton passed.’