Sands United Solent – the football club supporting bereaved dads – delighted to establish a new ‘home’ at Fleetlands FC

The Gosport, Fareham and Solent Sunday League club were only formed last year - one of more than 30 such clubs based around the Sands charity set up to provide support to anyone affected by the death of a baby.

The aim of the club is to provide men with a space to exercise their grief following their loss through stillbirth, miscarriage and neonatal death - tackling the taboo around men’s mental health in the process.

Sands Solent was set up by Nick Lang and Peter Moseley after hearing of the success of the original Sands United, which was set up by Rob Allen in Northampton in 2018.

Now there are Sands football teams across England, plus three in Ireland, two in Scotland and one in Wales.

One of Sands Solent’s first friendly games was against Fleetlands at the Hampshire Premier League club’s Lederle Lane ground on the outskirts of Gosport last summer.

As a result of that link, the Coptermen have extended the arm of friendship and are allowing Sands Solent to use their ground and facilities.

‘Last season we were playing on council pitches in Gosport - mainly Privett Park,’ Lang told The News. ‘We just wanted to establish somewhere that felt a bit more like a base.

‘Sometimes it can be emotional if we’re playing on an anniversary or a birthday.

‘Having our own base will make everyone feel a bit safer, somewhere where we can go into the bar and raise a glass to our little ones.’

Fleetlands boss Rich Bessey contacted Sands Solent last summer after watching a piece about the newly-formed club on local television.

‘Rich reached out to us,’ recalled Lang. ‘He said even though he hadn’t been through what our players had, he has kids himself and understood how hard it would be.

‘From there we ended up playing a charity match against a Fleetlands XI - which we were very grateful for - and we’ve stayed in touch since, we’ve become good friends.

‘I reached out to Rich and asked if Fleetlands would be interested in groundsharing.

‘He spoke with his chairman (Iain Sellstrom) and came back saying they would love us to be part of their club.

‘Fleetlands have said we can hold awareness games or charity games, basically we can use the place as our own - they have been incredible, to be fair.’

Bessey explained: ‘When I heard about Sands last year I just wanted to help them.

‘We ended up organising a big charity day - bouncy castles, face painting. We raised over £4,000 - Sands were chuffed to bits.

‘They’re a bunch of really, really good guys, and what they are doing is so touching.

‘Some of their players came down to our ground the other day to help with repairs.

‘We want to establish ourselves as a community club, so our arms are open to anyone who needs us.’

Lang added: ‘Football clubs can be very protective of what they have, but Fleetlands have been really, really generous. We’re very, very fortunate.

‘But they’ve got a big pitch - our fitness levels are going to be tested!’

Some of the players’ levels might be tested more than others, as Sands Solent are not your average football team.

‘The demographic of Sands teams is they’re only made up of dads and uncles who have been affected by baby loss,’ Lang remarked.

‘It’s not a case of looking at other teams and thinking ‘he’s a good player, we’ll try to nick him.’

‘We’ve got a mixed ability team - some have played at a decent Sunday League level, some have played on a Saturday, and some had literally never played before they joined us.

‘Because of that we’ve also got mixed fitness levels - some players are happy to just play for 10 or 15 minutes and then come off, they are happy they have played a part.

‘Remember, we’re all playing for a club that nobody wants to be a part of.’

Lang continued: ‘It’s been very powerful. We have gone from hearing that ‘dads don’t want to talk about this’ to over 30 teams with around 30 players.

‘We’ve got about 40 players in our set-up - that’s a lot of dads.

‘We’ve also got a support group of about 10-15 people who don’t want to play, they’re just happy to follow the team and be part of the support group.

‘Some people might think we’re a bit like an AA meeting - ‘I’m so and so and I lost my baby daughter’. It’s not like that, but the lads have an opportunity to talk if they choose to do so.

‘They’ve got an outlet to talk - be it chatting to another dad, text messaging, a WhatsApp group, or in the pub after a game.

‘We’re making it easier for people to talk.

‘Football brings people together naturally.

‘It’s about educating people that it’s ok to talk about their babies.

‘We just want to break that silence, break that taboo - before there was this manly feeling that dads didn’t want to talk about it, they didn’t want to show they’re upset.’

Befitting a team with ‘Solent’ in their name, the players come from all over the south coast.

‘We called the team Sands United Solent because I had no idea to start with how much interest there would be,’ said Lang.

‘I didn’t want to just call the team ‘Southampton’ or ‘Portsmouth’.

‘Our players come from a large area - the New Forest, a couple live in Salisbury, a few in Chichester.’

Sands Solent have also had a ‘great response’ from the teams they played in their debut Sunday League campaign.

‘Some people might have thought it was just a charity team entering a league, but we want to give as good as we get,’ Lang stated.

‘We have not been given any favours, and nor we would ask for any. We want teams to be as competitive with us as we will be with them.

‘When we turn up for games, effectively we are just another Sunday League side.

‘Some players have said it’s amazing what our lads are doing, others have found a quiet corner and said they had gone through a similar thing years ago.

‘They have been dealing with baby loss by themselves, and never had the outlet we’ve got.

‘We’ve been very warmly welcomed.

A new chapter was recently written in the short Sands Solent story when the Hampshire FA honoured them with their annual Grassroots Club of the Year award.

‘It was a lovely gesture,’ said Lang. ‘We didn’t even know we’d been nominated.

‘We certainly didn’t win the award for our footballing ability - we were bottom of the league when the season was ended!’

Sands won one of their 13 Division 3 games in their first season, losing 10.

Turning the clock back to Sands Solent’s formation, Lang was contacted in the autumn of 2018 regarding setting up a football team.

He was too busy with work at the time, but a few months later was introduced to Moseley.

The pair met at the Sir Alec Rose pub at Port Solent and duly became Sands United Solent co-founders.

An appeal for players on social media quickly resulted in about 25 attending the first training session in Locks Heath which was filmed by the BBC.

When the piece was aired, that resulted in more players coming forward.

‘The support network is always going to be needed,’ Lang said.

‘A few years ago the stat was that one baby died every 90 minutes in the UK. That figure has gone down slightly since, but not by enough.’

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For further information on the support offered by the Sands charity, visit https://www.sands.org.uk

To contact Sands United Solent, email [email protected]