Don't start mature dating online until you've read this
They say life begins at 40 – and if you’re returning to the dating scene after a long time, you may find life has moved on.
Today, clicks and swipes are the norm, and they’re not just for 20-somethings. The team at mature dating dating site Toyboy Warehouse to a real member, who classes herself as a ‘mature dater’, to answer some frequently asked questions and put together a do’s and don’ts list to help you find your way to through.
Gaynor Evans is a mother-of-four, nanny-of-five, dating blogger, recruiter and agony aunt, and after her second divorce 12 years ago decided she didn’t want a serious relationship for a while.
“I was enjoying my freedom and up till now had never been a prolific dater. My ex-husband was 10 years younger than me, so the idea of a ‘toyboy’ didn’t faze me at all, but the attention I got from much younger men when I was out with girlfriends was a very pleasant surprise.
“It was a big confidence boost and one that I needed as I thought an older single woman was likely to find herself on the scrap heap. Not so!”
She added: “In the last 12 years I have had an amazing time dating exclusively younger men. Some of these ‘relationships’ have gone on for years and with the use of internet dating the world was my oyster!”
Drawing on her own experience of online dating, Gaynor has answered some frequent questions.
Q: I'm a mature woman about to re-enter the world of online dating. What are some of the top pitfalls I should be aware of before I do anything?
A: When coming back into the dating scene it’s important that you don’t just let it take over your life. Dating apps and websites are very time consuming and it’s important to keep up with your other interests, family and friends.
When talking to potential dates don’t waste too much time texting back and forth. If you feel there may be some potential for a date, get them on the phone. This will sort out the genuinely interested from the players. Get a date in the diary ASAP.
But don’t drop all the others you are talking too. In my experience you have to cast your net wide to get to the end result – a date.
Be prepared to be “ghosted”. Sometimes a potential date will just disappear. Don’t take it personally. If you get let down at the last minute date wise, you must weigh up whether their excuse is genuine or not. I always use two strikes and you’re out rule. I will rearrange a date once, but after that if they cancel then I’m out.
Q. Is it worth it? What are the best things you've experienced dating as a mature woman?
A. Absolutely yes! Providing you keep your expectations of each date to just that, a date, and enjoy each one as an experience you will have a blast.
I have dated lots of different nationalities and such a variety of people that it enhanced my perception of the world. I have found kindness, chivalry, even love!
There has been physical joy that has exceeded anything I have previously experienced. The positives outweigh the negatives by a mile.
Q. What top are the top two preconceptions people think are true about dating younger men but aren't?
A. The top thought here is ‘that it is all about the sex’. It does play a big part, but so does the fun, the conversation and the humour. It can still be meaningful and full of affection.
The second is that the younger man is looking for a ‘mother figure’. In fact, the opposite is true. It’s usually the older man that wants mothering and taking care of. Being mature is a state of mind
Pick some of the dating sites/apps you've been on. What is your one sentence review of each of them?
Toyboy Warehouse: If you have your heart set on dating younger men then this is the site for you! No explanations required. You are both on there for the same thing.
Tinder: As swiping apps go this one is a good as any. You get fast results and providing you make your preferences clear in your profile it should get results.
Bumble: Good for quality dating contenders but don’t forget this is the one where the ladies have to make the first move.
Hinge: A cross between Tinder and Bumble, so middle of the road but still can produce lots of possibilities.
Gaynor said: “Happy dating!”
Toyboy Warehouse has more detailed advice, including online dating safety tips, here.
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