Lucy Porter's Be Prepared at The Spring in Havant: 'You're always completely blindsided by events'

Given how events have unfolded in the past couple of weeks, comic Lucy Porter’s decision to call her latest show Be Prepared is a touch prescient.
Lucy Porter's new show is Be PreparedLucy Porter's new show is Be Prepared
Lucy Porter's new show is Be Prepared

When we joke that it’s the stand-up version of Cormac McCarthy’s notoriously bleak post-apocalyptic book and film adaptation The Road (it’s really not), even that now seems a few shades darker than when we spoke just a week ago.

Now that her own children have joined the scouting movement, it does, though, look back on her time in the Brownies, and how that has set her up – or not – for life.

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When Lucy was in the 3rd Croydon Brownies, she thought she was being taught everything she’d need to succeed in life.

All a girl required to stay safe and sound was an emergency 10p for the phone box, a length of string and a penknife.

Now there are no phone boxes, and carrying a knife is generally frowned upon. At least she’s still got her piece of string.

‘I talk about my time in the Brownies, and then kind of spin that out to more general observations on preparedness and how you teach children about life – and whether they're teaching them how to identify birds and tie knots is really the most useful thing to do. Then we sort of tie it all together at the end and there's a bit of a singsong along the way and a survival quiz and badges.’

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With recent shows inspired by questions of mortality and legacy, how did she end up here?

Lucy Porter reads up on Scouting for her show Be PreparedLucy Porter reads up on Scouting for her show Be Prepared
Lucy Porter reads up on Scouting for her show Be Prepared

‘It’s a weird swing, isn’t it? But it was inspired by my kids. They joined the Beavers, which I found hilarious for reasons I obviously couldn't explain to them.

‘I always take inspiration from the things that have most recently happened and it seemed to chime with a lot of stuff I was thinking about, because there’s this idea of being prepared, which is the Scouts’ motto.

‘My kids were vowing to be prepared and I just thought actually, at the time that I conceived this show, we were still in the middle of crazy Brexit madness.

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So the idea of preparedness, or lack of, was quite uppermost in all our minds. We're trying to prepare for climate change, we're trying to prepare for Brexit, we're trying to prepare for coronavirus.

‘Actually what life has taught us recently, and what my life has taught me generally, is that it's almost impossible to prepare for anything in life, because things always turn out differently to how you had expected.

‘You're always completely blindsided by events. On the one hand, it could be quite a depressing message because it's basically slightly nihilistic, like, what's the point of trying to prepare for anything?

‘But then there's also something quite positive about the fact that look, things probably won't work out the way you thought they would anyway.

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‘So of course, prepare because you don't want to look like an absolute idiot the way the government did with Brexit. Equally it's no matter how much you think you're preparing for life, it will always surprise you.’

But Lucy tries to maintain her underlying sense of optimism.

‘The problem is, so many of my friends now are very gloomy. And it's all these dystopias that we've read about, how it's all coming true, things like The Handmaid's Tale. Well that maybe, but I personally can't really function if I believe that we are descending into fascism and chaos and global apocalypse. I need to give myself a little bit of hope and optimism.’

Do you see a generational difference between your experiences and your children’s?

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‘It is very different. My thoughts when I started writing this show were that it's pretty sweet and old fashioned, but actually they have moved with the times and it’s not all about swearing your allegiance to God and the Queen and marching up and down in formation any more.

‘Girlguiding particularly, they tackle body image and eating disorders and they're really very switched on.

‘The Scouts as well, it’s all about modern life, but they still preserve these kind of old fashioned values.

‘So there is something, I think, quite pleasingly both old-fashioned and modern about it all.

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Luckily, from my point of view, there is enough similarity that my kids’ experiences reminded me about my own experiences, but there is certainly a world of difference, and it's quite fun exploring that. Most of my audience are people who were in the Cubs or the Brownies some years ago, a matter of decades for many of us, so there's something quite nice about going back to a more innocent time in your life, isn't there?’

There will of course be reminiscing about camping and the badges – the latter being an area Lucy admits she did not excel in.

‘I didn’t do amazingly, if I’m honest. I did get the basics – the hostess badge, which they basically gave everyone because you just needed to make an old person a cup of tea and that was it. And the jester badge which I got for telling jokes – I showed early promise!

‘But I have to say I wasn't a brilliant Brownie and I was a terrible Guide. I felt very bad that in the Guides I didn’t make any effort whatsoever.’

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In the promotional pictures for the show, Lucy is wearing a Brownie uniform. Given her height – she’s 4ft 11in – is it a real one?

‘Sadly, though I am short of stature, but my embonpoint, or whatever they call it... It was a fancy dress outfit I bought off the internet which I augmented with actual Brownie memorabilia and paraphernalia.

‘I do also have a real uniform that I ordered off eBay which I take to the show because I’ve lost my own uniform over the years, unsurprisingly. I can just about squeeze into it, because of course I tried, so she must have been quite a buxom Brownie.’

Lucy also admits to having pulled a bit of sleight of hand with the name of her show – ‘be prepared’ isn't actually the Brownies’ motto, ‘lend a hand’ is.’It's the Scouting movement’s motto, but because the show is kind of inspired by my kids joining the Beavers, I felt like I could cheat it. It's about Scouting and Guiding, and I think to most laypeople, it’s kind of all the same.

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‘Never say that to them because it's very much not exactly the same and they're two very distinct organisations but… I think I get away with it!

‘I acknowledge that they're different, but at the same time it's all about outdoorsiness and badges and doing your bit isn't it?’

Even though she’s still touring this show, Lucy is already working on this summer’s Edinburgh show.

‘It’s called No Regrets, which obviously is about the fact that I have many, many regrets because a show about me not having any regrets would not be much fun, whereas a show about my regrets will, I think, be much funnier.

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‘I'm also doing various bits and bobs of radio stuff and other writing. I'd love to say I've got a Hollywood movie coming out in the autumn, but that would be a lie.

‘There’s a sitcom in development at the moment, which, again, over the years, you get to my age and you learn not to really get too excited because so many things just don't work out. But then some things do and that’s great…’

Lucy Porter’s Be Prepared is at The Spring Arts Centre in Havant on March 20&21. Go to thespring.co.uk.

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