Gosport women to launch first Menopause Café in area propelled by their own struggles

Claire Gurling and Rachel Fowler teamed up just weeks ago after connecting with a charity who set up a network of ‘Menopause Cafes’ across the world.

Open to all, the charity provides a confidential space for people to eat cake, drink tea and discuss menopause-related problems, personal experiences and beyond.

Next week the pair will launch their own Menopause Cafe in Gosport charged by a dream to help women who, like them, suffered turbulent times going through the menopause.

The group will also extend a hand to men wanting to know how to deal with their partner’s symptoms, while raising awareness of ways women can support one another through remedies and advice.

Former intensive care nurse, Rachel, had to have a hysterectomy after she was misdiagnosed with endometriosis and often found herself ‘passing out’ at work.

She says: ‘I’ve been through menopause myself early. I had to have a hysterectomy. The nurse in me thought, “someone needs to support these women because they can think they're going crazy”.

‘It became apparent through friends that there's a lack of knowledge and support for women in perimenopause and menopause.

‘There's a lack of knowledge of existence of perimenopause [the transitional time around menopause] and trying to talk to a GP. A lot of friends have come up against a brick wall.

‘I thought, “this is ridiculous. What is there out there to support women? This is a key area and I want to help people”.’

Claire, the owner of a removal company, was forced to give up work for a year as a result of her menopause. For a year, she says she ‘mentally stopped’ after a lack of support for menopause from her GP, combined with relationships breakdowns.

‘I’m now 45 – it can happen at any age,’ she explains.

‘I'm a Gosport girl and this has really affected me passionately.

‘I had a real long struggle. From this and having to go privately when you don't get support from your doctor and then having to think, “what would I do to make this better”?’

‘When I rebooted, my first thing was trying to get the Menopause Cafe.

‘I then met Rachel through another friend who said we are very similar people. It’s gone from there, really.’

The duo’s Menopause Cafe will be a monthly initiative at the Gosport Discovery Centre library – which will take place once a month starting next Saturday.

The first community space of its kind in the area, members can come together to discuss anything from sex, vaginal issues, their partners, how they feel about their partners, exercise, sleeping and how they can promote their mental wellbeing through busting brain fog and improving their diet.

‘People can talk about whatever they want,’ says Rachel, 49.

‘For you to hear someone say, “I felt like that”, means they don’t feel like they’re on their own. It's very much led by what they want to talk about.’

For Rachel, she knows all too well how lonely and isolating menopause can be, especially going through the motions early.

It’s stories like hers that propel her to go over and above to come to the aid of others, particularly as she can pass on her skills from nursing to this new venture.

‘Once you’re a nurse, you’re always a nurse,’ she says.

‘You don’t lose that mentality.’

She adds: ‘Whenever you see an article or anything about menopause, you often see a woman with grey hair.

‘This frustrates me because someone in their 20s can go through menopause. If I was in my 20s and I saw an image like that and I’d been told I was going through menopause, it’s a tough time. You look at your body image and think totally different.

‘This is a new adventure for women. It's not that you've got to hang up your coat and hat and no one wants to know you any more. This is an adventure.’

A proactive businesswoman, Claire meets dozens on dozens of women through her day job, who, she’s sparked up conversation with over the years on their dealings with menopause.

‘When I go on quotes for removals, it opens you up to people’s stories.

‘There’s women in their 80s on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) because they’re scared to come off it. I’ve spoken to so many. There’s just not enough knowledge.’

One common misconception the pair want to raise awareness of is the ‘upping of antidepressants’ from GPs when they say there are other ways like throwing yourself into a new hobby or herbal remedies to take up.

Claire found solace in writing poetry on menopause to make her feel better after the physical and mental toll of work got too much.

She wants to help women in her position, to normalise taking a break from work during this time in their life.

Rachel and Claire have even received commendation from Davina McCall who is soon to lead a talk at the library after the group becomes more established.

Talking about where it started, Claire says: ‘A few years ago, I was doing a removal for Davina McCall’s step mum and I broke down on the phone.

‘She said Davina’s doing a new programme on the menopause and that I must watch it.

‘Davina sent me a private text encouraging Claire to come off her anti-depressants and go on HRT.

‘She’s since been in contact and said, “well done to you girls for doing this cafe”.

Rachel, now a wellbeing coach, who formerly worked in the emergency department at QA in Portsmouth, has had the idea of starting a menopause café for the past three years.

The chief marketeer of the pair, she’s put £250 of her own money into marketing the group and spreading the word to make sure as many women who need it know it’s there.

‘I feel very passionate about the fact that no money or money, everybody’s got the right to promote their health and wellbeing,’ she explains.

‘There’s a lot of people who don’t realise why they feel the way they feel. How many women know that perimenopause happens seven to eight years before menopause? It's trying to make women aware and help them provide a support network.

‘This is a chance for women to link up with other women. Say, if you’re having a bad day, this could be a lifeline.

‘You can pass on each other’s numbers and meet up outside.’

What’s important is that the sessions show members that just because they’re approaching or experiencing this new chapter in their life, they shouldn’t have to ‘hide themselves away’ as Rachel puts it.

‘When it takes off Claire and I want to get people together and do events outside like kayaking, cycling or a night out to a restaurant.

‘It’s also showing people they’re not alone and that there's alternatives to HRT. There's acupuncture, there's herbs.

‘This is for women and people can learn to know what women want.’

Sessions will run from 10am to 12pm on the first Saturday of the month.