I don't know how to break up with my boyfriend | Agony Aunt

Dear Fiona: When I first met my boyfriend, he was fun to be with and caring.
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For the past few months though, things have been more than a bit strained between us and we spend a lot of our time together arguing about nothing.

I no longer look forward to being with him and have suggested that perhaps we should split up, but he then gets all ‘hurt’ and says he loves me. The problem is, I’m now certain I don’t love him.

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I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I really need to split up with him and I don’t know how to.

A generic stock photo of a couple having an argument. Credit: Alamy/PA.A generic stock photo of a couple having an argument. Credit: Alamy/PA.
A generic stock photo of a couple having an argument. Credit: Alamy/PA.



If it’s over for you – then the relationship is over. Unfortunately, I suspect there is not going to be an easy and painless way for you to make this split, especially as it seems he still has feelings for you.

Nothing will be gained, though, by dragging out this relationship when you are clearly so unhappy.

All you can do is be direct with him and make it clear, gently, that you want the relationship to end.

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Stay calm and explain that you’re unable to return his feelings and that, as such, you see no future for the relationship. Hopefully, he’ll be able to accept this and move on; though, as I hinted above, I think he will be hurt.

You shouldn’t let this deter you from doing what needs to be done though. Any delay will only allow your feelings to fester and your resentment to grow, to the point where a friendly split becomes much harder.


Out of the blue, my ex-fiancé recently emailed me and said he really wants us to try again. He says he is genuinely sorry and thinks he made a terrible mistake before. He also hopes I can forgive him and wants us to meet up soon to talk.

I was very much in love when we split two years ago, so I am not sure how I feel about this. The other problem is, I have started to see someone else and he’s really nice.

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It took me a long time to feel ready for another relationship and I have only just started to feel happy again, though it’s probably too soon to know if the relationship is going anywhere.

Now this has happened and I am totally confused. What should I do?

J. N.


You need to think carefully about this and not let your emotions take over. I can’t decide for you, but I can suggest a few things that you may need to consider before deciding.

First up, do you still have feelings for him? Can you forgive the fact that he treated you badly? What reassurance do you have that he won’t do so again? Has he really changed? What motivated him to want to come back to you now?

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You say that things with the new man you are seeing are looking good and that he’s making you happy, so now may not be the time throw it all away.

If you feel that you have a real chance of developing a loving relationship with him, perhaps you ex should remain just that? I wish you well, whatever you decide.