I'm not sure who the father of my son is | Agony Aunt

I’d gone home to be with my parents for a while to clear my head, and all I ended up doing was putting my marriage under even more pressure. In the end, we patched it up, and now we have a wonderful marriage.

The problem is, I don’t know which man is the biological father of my son.

He’s now seven years old and my husband loves him to bits. I have lived with this knowledge all this time, but for some reason, it has started to really prey on my mind recently.

Part of me thinks my son has every right to know who his biological father is, and that I should do all I can to find out.

However, I also think about all the horrible ways this could play out once my son and my husband find out.

D. R.

FIONA SAYS:

The only way to know for sure is via DNA testing. In the UK, doing a DNA paternity test would require the consent of the adult providing samples. Therefore, you would really need to have a conversation about it with your husband, if you want him to be the one undergoing tests.

The longer you leave this, the more devastating the consequences could be if further down the line, your husband and son discover they are not biologically related.

You say your marriage is good and you husband loves your son, so I can understand why you wouldn’t want to jeopardise this.

I can also understand why you are finding it difficult to come to terms with the pressure of keeping your secret, and I fear that continuing to do so might well jeopardise things anyway.

I would encourage you to talk to a counsellor before you broach this with your husband, but I do believe you’re going to have to tell him eventually.

Either Relate (relate.org.uk) or the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk) could help you, but if you can’t afford to pay for counselling, ask your GP.

What your husband decides to do once he knows, I can’t say – he may be angry, it may destroy your marriage, especially if testing shows he is not your son’s father. Hopefully though, he will love you and your son enough to forgive you.

DEAR FIONA: CAN MY EX-WIFE STOP ME SEEING MY CHILDREN?

After my divorce four years ago, my wife gained full custody of our two children (now aged 14 and 12). At first, I was able to see them regularly, but over time it has become increasingly difficult.

It seems there is always something else they MUST do, rather than see me.

For example, last September I had taken a half day off work to see them (pre-arranged with my ex-wife), as their school had closed early for a training exercise.

However, when I arrived, my ex said my daughter wasn’t feeling well, and my son had to stay at school to take part in a football training session before a big match the following week.

A simple phone call would have saved me a journey. But even without that, it just seemed like a set of poor excuses, and it’s happening more and more often.

SEE ALSO: I'm not ready to be a step-mum | Agony Aunt

Increasingly, my pre-arranged visits are cancelled at short notice because there is something else that the children simply HAVE to do. It’s as though I am being deliberately excluded.

I know my ex has started seeing someone else, and I am worried that she expects him to take over the role of being father to my children. Can she deny me access to my children like this?

C. L.