I'm so worried about my grieving friend | Agony aunt

She coped incredibly well looking after him, making sure he was comfortable and got the help he needed. She had the option of him being cared for in a local hospice, but she knew he wanted to spend his final days at home with her.

She made sure that he was as comfortable as possible in his final days – a responsibly she took on by herself.

She remained so resilient and strong throughout, but now with her husband gone, she seems lost. She has become increasingly introverted, which is not like her at all. She often cancels our plans and ignores my calls and messages.

I desperately want to help, but don’t want to overwhelm her either if she needs space. She always said she was going to be fine, she talked about how her memories of their life together fill her with happiness, and that she had come to terms with him dying.

She seems to have lost her spark and I’m worried she will never get over the grief she is experiencing.

She was very involved in the local community, and in her spare time was always out gardening and keeping active, but she doesn’t do any of that anymore.

Sadly, I couldn’t attend the funeral as numbers were limited due to Covid restrictions, so I don’t feel I’ve been able to say goodbye to him either. I’d love to find a way to support my friend with her grief and do something together to remember her dear husband.

J. H.

FIONA SAYS: GRIEF IS A BIG AND ONGOING PROCESS

However prepared people may think they are for the death of someone close to them, when the reality happens, it can still be an enormous shock to the system.

While he was alive, even knowing what was to come, your friend was able to keep busy and active looking after him and making sure his end was as good as it could possibly be.

Once he was gone, her life would, inevitably, feel very empty and, more particularly, purposeless.

His illness meant she had something to drive her through every day, but now she probably feels empty and adrift and doesn’t know what to do with herself.

Whatever you do, don’t stop calling and messaging her – she needs to know you’re there when she’s ready to respond to you.

Most importantly, don’t stop talking about her husband – she hasn’t forgotten him, and it will hurt her to feel others have.

Your friend may be keeping to herself because she isn’t sure how you will react to her feelings – remember, people who are grieving go through a huge range of emotions.

Aside from the shock, sadness and pain over losing her husband, it wouldn’t be at all strange if she’s also feeling things like guilt and even anger.

She may be worried about telling you these feelings, as she may be shocked by the emotions herself and doesn’t know how you – or others – will react. Alternatively, she may simply feel numb and unable to move backwards or forwards right now.

Offer her help in practical ways. For example, cook a meal for her and take it to her house; tidy her garden for her, as you say this is something she’s neglecting. If you feel you can, point her in the direction of Marie Curie (mariecurie.org.uk) where she will find a lot of helpful information, including their bereavement support helpline on 0800 090 2309.

As for something to do with your friend to remember her husband, consider taking part in the National Day of Reflection on March 23, which would be an ideal opportunity to remember him.

There are more details on the Marie Curie website and there are lots of ways to take part in the day, including observing the minute’s silence that will take place at 12 noon.

There are also several online talks taking place or you could create or visit a ‘Wall of Reflection’ together that she might find helpful.

DEAR FIONA: HATE MY VEINY LEGS

My friends always tell me I have well shaped legs, but even in the hottest weather, I wear thick tights or trousers because of the broken veins and varicose veins all over them.

I would dearly love to wear elegant skirts, but I hate the look of my legs so much, I never do. Is this something I should see my GP about, or should I go to a cosmetic clinic of some kind?

K. B.

FIONA SAYS: SPEAK TO YOUR GP

For anything health related – and this certainly sounds like it could be a health issue – I would always suggest starting with your doctor. Varicose veins can often be treated but having them done on the NHS isn’t generally regarded as urgent and there could be a very long waiting list.

First though, you need to be certain that this is what they are, so a proper diagnosis of the issue comes before anything else.

Your doctor may suggest private treatment, as there are specialist clinics dealing with this kind of work, but of course, you would have to pay.

SEE ALSO: I'm not ready to be a step-mum | Agony Aunt

However bad you may think the veins are, if the doctor decides there is no reason for any medical intervention, then you could consider cosmetic treatments.

A fake tan or leg make-up could well disguise the problem, and a decent beauty therapist will be able to offer both options. Alternatively, consider wearing longer length flouncy skirts and dresses, which would effectively hide quite a lot of leg whilst still looking elegant.

A message from the Editor, Mark Waldron

Subscribe here for unlimited access to all our coverage, including Pompey, for just 26p a day.