My boyfriend won't take the next step - should I commit to my gym fling? | Agony Aunt

We met at college but have never lived together. He lives with his father and I have a small flat nearby.

We have talked a lot over the years about getting a place together, but nothing has happened. It’s as though he’s happy where he is and doesn’t want to change.

Recently, I have been thinking more about my future (I am nearly 30) and where I want to be in five or 10 years’ time. Which might explain why I had a one-night fling with a guy I know at the gym.

He’s six years younger than me and is not interested in a serious relationship, but it was exciting.

Part of me wants to see him again and see if we can make it work, but then I feel guilty about my boyfriend.

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I don’t want to hurt him and wish he’d make more of an effort. Where do I go from here?

A. P.

FIONA SAYS: TELL HIM WHAT YOU REALLY WANT

The fact you feel guilty and want your boyfriend to try harder suggests to me that you still have strong feelings for him.

However, something is wrong, and you need to sort this out, or you will continue to look for excitement elsewhere.

If you’re prepared to give him a chance to change, I’d suggest you don’t mention the other guy, as this is only likely to end badly. But this needs to be your choice – do what you feel comfortable with.

You do need to talk though. Explain that you need something to change to breathe life back into your relationship, as well as some sort of commitment from him.

Ten years without any commitment is long enough – and if he’s not willing to give you this, I think you realise the time may have come to move on.

MY NEIGHBOUR KEEPS BORROWING THINGS

My new neighbour seemed nice at first but has since become really difficult. She is forever borrowing stuff ‘until she’s unpacked’ – and then forgetting to return it.

It’s now three months and she still seems to be unpacking because, other than my iron, nothing has been returned.

Unless I’ve forgotten something, she currently has a tablecloth, my son’s hairdryer, my meat thermometer, and my small handheld vacuum cleaner. She’s had some of these for over a month and although I have dropped hints that I want these back, she just ignores them. I don’t want to get heavy and create ill-will, but what else can I do?

P. D.

FIONA SAYS: ASK NICELY BUT CLEARLY TO HAVE THE ITEMS BACK

You can be firm without getting heavy. Call in on her, smile, and calmly ask for the items back. If she offers to dig them out later, keep smiling and say that you really need them now and that you’re prepared to wait while she finds them.

I suspect there is no malice and no intent to keep these things. She’s probably either forgotten or has been too busy.

Once returned, don’t be in a hurry to loan things again unless it’s a real emergency. Hopefully this will encourage her to become a little more organised.