Why did the skeleton cross the road? And 99 other Halloween jokes
Halloween is almost upon us, and things are starting to go bump in the night.
If things get a little too scary, you might be in need of some comic relief just to balance out the spookiness.
Well, have no fear! We’ve compiled 100 of the very best (and silliest) Halloween-themed jokes we could find to help you raise a fanged smile this year.
Here are 100 of the best Halloween jokes:
Who delivers monster babies? The Franken-stork!
What do players at Wimbledon eat on Halloween? Strawberries and scream!
What do owls say when they go trick or treating? "Happy Owl-ween!"
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat their fingers separately!
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To go to the body shop!
What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed!
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist!
What is a vampire’s favourite ice cream flavor? Veinilla!
What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay!
What was the ghost's best position? Ghoulkeeper!
What do zombies have for school lunches? Human beans, fried legs and eyes cream!
What do you call a witch with chickenpox? An itchy witchy!
What’s the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which!
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!
Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with!
What tops off a mummy’s ice cream sundae? Whipped scream!
Why don’t angry witches ride their brooms? They’re afraid of flying off the handle!
Why did the Cyclops give up teaching? He only had one pupil!
What do ghosts do at sleepovers? They tell scary human stories!
What is a ghost’s favourite party game? Hide-and-shriek!
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch!
Did you hear about the monster who ate too many houses? He was homesick!
What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi!
Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? Because people are dying to get in!
What does Bigfoot say when he asks for candy? "Trick-or-feet!"
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed!
What did the zombie say to the villager? Nice to eat you!
What’s big, furry and has eight wheels? A monster on roller skates!
Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? He didn't have the guts!
What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese!
What’s a ghost’s favourite dessert? I scream!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck!
What should you do at a Halloween party if a zombie rolls their eyes at you? Roll them back to them!
What is a ghoul’s favourite flavour? Lemon and slime!
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!
Why did the witch go to the doctor? She had a dizzy spell!
What’s a monster’s favourite play? Romeo and Ghouliet!
What is a ghost’s favourite fruit? Booberries!
What is a witch’s favourite class? Spelling!
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases!
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs!
How are vampires like false teeth? They both come out at night!
What is a skeleton's favourite musical instrument? The trom-bone!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash!
Why can't Frankenstein fly? He never makes it through the metal detector!
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques!
What do skeletons say before they begin dining? “Bone appetit!”
How does Frankenstein get around town? Monster truck!
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas!
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts!
Who does Dracula get letters from? His fang club!
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
Which Halloween monster is good at math? Count Dracula!
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin!
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich!
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Shamboo!
How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope!
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toasty ghosty!
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck!
What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist!
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos!
What's a zombie's favourite bean? A human bean!A human bean!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the dead sea!
What monster fits on the end of your finger? The bogeyman!
How can you tell that vampires love cricket? They turn into bats every night!
Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves!
What tool helps a ghost lie perfectly flat? A spirit level!
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!
How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle his funny bone!
Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!
What do ghosts put on their turkey? Grave-y!
Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin!
Why are zombies always hired as make-up artists? Because they have to put their face on every morning!
What do you call a mummy who tastes like candyfloss? A yummy mummy!
What type of pasta do they serve at the haunted house? Fettuccine afraido!
What did the skeleton say to the bartender? “I’ll have two beers and a mop!”
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? His ghoul friend!
What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music!
What do birds say on Halloween? “Trick or tweet!”
What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest!
Why did the ghost go to the sales? He was a bargain haunter!
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope that it's Halloween!
What do you call two witches living together? Broommates!
Why did the zombie stay home from school? He felt rotten!
What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? "You sure are boo-tiful!"
Why don’t mummies take holidays? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
What do witches put on to go trick or treating? Mas-scare-a!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centres!
What did the ghost teacher say to the class? "Look at the board and I will go through it again!"
Why do zombies never eat comedians? They taste funny!They taste funny!
Where does Dracula keep his money? In a blood bank!
What do the fastest witches use to get around? Vroomsticks!
Why don't they play music in a skeleton church? No organs!
What did the monster eat after it had its teeth taken out? The dentist!
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key!
Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? Dead ends!
Did you hear about the vampire who got a pet dog? He'd always wanted a bloodhound!
Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? It raises their spirits!