"My daughter needed counselling when her dad left for a Royal Navy deployment but now she's much stronger"

Sacha Butcher’s ten-year-old daughter Eleanor knows this all too well whenever he dad goes on deployment. Adam Powlesland, a Royal Navy Chief Petty Officer, was on operations for several months and missed Christmas in 2023 - with Eleanor being taken on an emotional rollercoaster.

“My daughter was very emotional and I even had to seek counselling for her because she was beside herself,” Sacha told The News. “But now, within a week, she gets used to the new routine and gets back to normal.”

The Waterlooville resident juggles life with Eleanor and two-year-old Joshua, with CPO Powlesland currently working on active duty in four month cycles. Even with strong support networks and help from hard-working charities like Little Troopers, it can be an overlooked hidden struggle for many children.

“She hadn’t really realised that daddy had to go away”

Mrs Butcher, who previously served in the Royal Navy, works as a full-time community nurse while managing childcare and other commitments. Even with extended family and school staff lending a hand, she said it can still be hard to manage.

“Logistically, it’s quite difficult with sorting things out and putting everything in place for when he does go away,” she added. “It can be demanding with just one person here. It was quite hard with the children saying ‘daddy is not here’.”

CPO Powlesland, who has served in the force for over 20 years, spent roughly four years close to home before starting the quarterly cycle of deployments. Mrs Butcher said even though Eleanor found this incredibly tough at first, she slowly began to adjust.

She added: “She hadn’t really realised that daddy had to go away, until it came round and really hit her. Now it’s normal for her.” Last Christmas, her and Joshua were surprised at Blenheim Palace when their dad unexpectedly appeared from nowhere to spend the festive season with them. The reunion was featured on ITV’s This Morning.

“It was absolutely amazing,” Mrs Butcher said, “She said she couldn’t work out what was coming through the door and thought it was reindeer until she saw him, then just jumped at him and hugged him.”

When the whole family is reunited, they aim to make the most of every moment. “It’s just about trying to pack everything in; holidays, seeing family and catching up,” Mrs Butcher added. “He takes a while getting back into the routine, and he has to adjust to the children’s needs.

“As soon as that’s done, he’s gone again. You get into a normal routine and it’s all disrupted. The children are so resilient and just adapt to it. We’ve been in this cycle for two years, and on the emotional side, they slip back into routine sooner rather than later.”

“When he comes back, it’s like marrying them again”

Alice Green, of Lee-on-the-Solent, also spoke of the tough moments her children go through while their dad, Lieutenant Richard Green, is stationed across the globe - commonplace for many sailors. She works as a nurse, at Queen Alexandra Hospital and elsewhere, while looking after Matilda, 7, Olivia, 4, and Freddie, 3. Lt Green is currently deployed on a warship and can spend months away at a time.

“It’s very challenging,” she said, “The support from my parents has been amazing and I don’t think I could do it without them. My daughter’s school is very good and does a military after-school club. That has really helped her and she’s got quite a lot of friends who have the same experiences of their mummy and daddy going away.”

Mrs Green said finding people who understand what she’s going through is necessary to manage the family. She added her environment is harder given they don’t live in married quarters, with her friends there being told of family events they aren’t aware of.

Daily routines are dominated by school pick-ups, after-school clubs and everything in between. “It doesn’t stop,” Mrs Green added. “It can be a whirlwind sometimes.”

Even when Richard returns from duty, there are still obstacles to overcome. Uncertainty about how long he’ll be away is always there. Mrs Green said: “The first three years of my eldest’s life, he was away the whole time and wasn’t around at all. When he did come home and was here for a while before Covid hit, she struggled as she didn’t know who this man was. It was a toll on him.

“He’s been based on a ship since last year, and could potentially be there until the beginning of next year.” Mrs Green said even though the children manage with their dad leaving, it’s never easy.

“It’s trying to get into that routine saying ‘daddy’s not here now’, but we’ve got to make the most of things, make memories, and when he’s back, we’ll restart and carry on as many happy things as we can,” she added. “When they’re home, you live for every moment. You want to make sure your children are happy and make all the nice lovely memories with their dad.”

The moment when sailors return is just as emotional, which Mrs Green describes as a strange feeling. She added: “You get used to them not being there, and you get on with things, but suddenly there’s this person there in the house.

“The butterflies come back. I see him and it’s lovely. Without experiencing it, it’s something you can’t describe it. It’s almost like marrying them again. When they come home from a deployment, it’s like going through that honeymoon period again, and it really is wonderful.”

Struggles with upheaval

Little Troopers supported 20,000 children last year and provided families with school resources, weekend trips away and other magical excursions which the children remember forever.

Matilda was invited to meet veterans at the Royal Hospital Chelsea last August, with Mrs Green saying her daughter still talks about it now. They offer a reprieve to the constant change, something which many personnel are worried about.

According to the government’s tri-service families continuous attitude survey - which garnered 6,046 responses - 49 per cent of the 79 per cent of service families with children worry about the negative impact military life has on their offspring. Mrs Butcher said her children being around others with similar experiences has helped them.

“You can look at it positive or negatively,” she added. “The negative impact is the emotional side, but as a family, we’re more resilient. She’s very confident. She’ll happily go to a summer camp for a whole week with other military children, whereas I don’t think some other children would.”

Mrs Green said resilience is something all military children nurture as they grow up. “It’s a struggle and it’s hard, I'm not going to deny that,” she added. “I personally don’t feel that it’s impacting my children, as we have such a good support network with my parents and friends.

“It’s not easy, and there are days you think ‘oh my goodness, what am I doing’, but we keep going. This is the life they know. Obviously they have their moments, but they just seem to get on with it. Unfortunately, that’s what daddy’s job is.”

More details on the support Little Troopers offers can be found here.