Annoying nasal hair? Leave it be if you suffer from hayfever | Rick Jackson

Eventually it fitted to the end of one of them and I worked out it was a nose hair trimmer.

So off I went. I had to try this out…

Well, the results were a revelation.

I wouldn’t say my nostril hair gave an overgrown garden a run for its money but after five minutes of small cracking noises which sounded like but felt nothing like an electric shock, my nose interior was fuzz free!

I instantly noticed how much easier it was to breath though my nose and that my sense of smell had also improved.

The most beneficial aspect of all was the fact I had stopped snoring. My wife rejoiced.

Then the sun started to shine.

As the pollen count began to rise then instantly my barrier-free conk started to feel like ultra-fine white pepper and paprika had been shoved up it.

I dived into the medicine cupboard and instantly dug out a packet of out-of-date antihistamines.

Relief was slow and a packet of Kleenex later I started to dry up.

Next, the dry scratchy eyes.

The feeling that a fine grit was underneath the eyelids.

Don’t rub, I thought to myself as my right hand resembled a fist the size of Mike Tyson’s trying to rub away the irritation.

Soon, I was looking like a teenage boy emerging from his bedroom during the coronavirus lockdown after discovering the passwords to his dad’s favourite websites.

Soon, the only relief I got was to slather my nose with petroleum jelly.

I’d hook a massive lump out with my index finger and stuff it up my nostril like a sailor arming multiple cannon in HMS Victory.

I was getting strange looks too on the daily walk as my lubed up nose shone in the sunshine and tears rolled down my rosy cheeks.

Solace has been found with a mixture of the right, in-date antihistamine and some local honey.

The moral of the story. If you find a nose-trimming attachment, chuck it away!

For pity’s sake celebs, do something useful or clear off

Perhaps the lockdown is getting to me. Maybe I’m tired and need a holiday. The kids are driving me crazy too.

Maybe I’m turning into a grumpy middle-aged man but I’m so fed up with smug, rich celebrities on social media clapping the NHS or bigging-up keyworkers.

David and Victoria Beckham, Amanda Holden, anyone from Towie or Love Island, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Little Mix... the list goes on.

Please ‘celebs’ socially isolate your phones as well. We don’t want to know about your third mansion or see you semi-naked.

Show some class like Captain Tom Moore or the Queen. Do something useful or clear off. Rant over.

Well, I love being back on the bike even if spectators don’t

Keeping fit in lockdown is tough. Gutted that my gym has closed but finding it impossible to follow its online videos, I’ve been doing my own garden work-out using the kids as weights!

Then a run. Well, the knees have disagreed with the squats, lunges and then a jog, so I’ve had to dust off the road bike. It felt good to be on the saddle again. There’s nothing like bombing down the busway with the wind blowing through your helmet. The roads were busier than I expected with many people making ‘essential’ journeys, but I was soon back in the rhythm again. There is something about an overweight, middle-aged man in Lycra on a road bike – something between desperate and obscene.