Children drawing nudes? It reeks of double standards | Clive Smith

Why don’t they just concentrate on the basics like maths, English, handwriting and telling the time?

Seeing some old bloke turning up with his meat and two veg hanging out is not going to help a six-year-old improve issues they might have with their bodies. It’s just weird.

Any adult volunteering to pose in these sorts of classes should be investigated. We need to protect our kids from this sort of thing, not throw it in their faces.

Yes, by all means have the conversation with children that we all come in different shapes, sizes and colours, but this is too much. Next they’ll be tabling a bid to the school governors for trips to nudist camps.

How is normalising naked strangers going to help our children when they are being taught just the opposite? Nothing like sending mixed messages is there?

My eight-year-old daughter has swimming lessons and came home the other day quite perturbed the class would be changing together. How the hell would she feel knowing an adult was going to rock up naked at her next art lesson?

Some people say that children need to discover what an adult body looks like, as opposed to the airbrushed images they see in the media every day. Erm, are they trying to say kids walk about their houses each day and everyone’s mum and dad are well-toned, packing six-packs and implanted boobs? The only six-pack in our house is in the beer fridge and the only thing not ‘drooping’ yet is the fake Christmas tree we’ve just thrown back up into the loft for another year.

What happened to innocent minds drawing houses, families holding hands or animals that look nothing like the real thing but as a parent you pretend you love it anyway and stick it on the fridge?

Are we going to now stick a picture of Pete the check-out operator from the supermarket and his penis on our fridges?

Valentine’s Day Christmas trees?! You’re kidding…

It’s only a few weeks since Christmas and again I’ve not made a success of Dry January.

Easter Eggs are in the shops, not that that’s an excuse to break out the left-over gin. But if anything makes January more depressing, it’s the advent of the Valentine’s Day tree!

Someone pour me four litres of super strength Frosty Jacks. People are actually leaving up their Christmas trees, removing the baubles and tinsel, and replacing them with hearts, ribbons and rose decorations. Pass the sick bucket.

Why not leave the trees up all year? At Easter we could have bunnies and eggs, and at Hallowe’en, Casper the Friendly Ghost could sit at the top.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

The end of the world is nigh – they’ve let McDonald’s in

Rutland, England’s smallest county, had the ‘honour’ of being the last county in the country not to have a McDonald’s. Not for much longer because Rutland’s council has just voted to allow one in Oakham.

I’m sure the twin set and pearls, sweater-over-the-shoulder types will be thrilled at the prospect. Too posh for a Maccy Ds.

It will be the end of days there now. The skinny lattes and scones will be a distant memory once they’ve had a dairy milk McFlurry and box of 20 chicken nuggets.

If they’re really lucky, it won’t be long before Ken’s Kebabs sets up there and we can all watch viral videos of Sebastian eating his chips with a large dollop of right hooks and flying kicks.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​