CLIVE SMITH: Banning music won't stop stabbings

What better way to sort it all than by finding a scapegoat.

So let's blame the music. Drill music, a particularly aggressive form of rap.

I'm out of touch with what's down with the kids nowadays so I'd never heard of drill music before and had to look it up on YouTube. It's not something I'd go out of my way to listen to.

Many genres of music were considered bad when they first came out '“ rock'n'roll, reggae, punk, gangsta rap.

Listening to a Marilyn Manson album backwards was supposed to bring the devil down upon us. Someone must have tried it, but I never saw Lucifer popping out of the clouds.

These genres all had their own specific cultures and fashions that were often seen as alien to those on the outside '“ so let's panic and scream '˜it would never have happened in my day, society is doomed!'

When I was at school films such as Natural Born Killers and Reservoir Dogs were banned.

But, of course, banning them didn't stop people watching them, in fact it made you want to watch them more.

There was much excitement in class when someone managed to get hold of Natural Born Killers on VHS.

The same will happen if drill music is banned. People will seek it out more, making it even more popular.

If people think drill music is to blame then forcing it underground will obviously make things even worse.

It seems to me that would be an easy way to deflect the blame from where it really belongs. '˜Let's hide behind some rappers and hope everyone forgets what a rubbish job I'm doing.'

If you want to go out and start stabbing people because of some music you've been listening to then I'd say there's something wrong with the person who has committed the stabbing, not the music.

Or maybe Goldie Lookin Chain were right when they sang '˜guns don't kill people, rappers do'.

 

Pallbearers must have final chuckle at Barry's funeral

When celebrities die they usually leave us with a back catalogue of films, songs and other such things. Not all of them leave a whole nation with a catchphrase that is uttered so often in everyday life.

So the first thing I thought when I heard Barry Chuckle had died was: will the pallbearers at his funeral be saying '˜to me, to you' when they're unloading and manoeuvring the coffin. Surely they've got too.

 From what I could tell, the Chuckle Brothers loved their catchphrase, unlike Victor Meldrew actor Richard Wilson who apparently hates his '˜I don't believe it' saying.

Are you even British if you don't say '˜to me, to you' when you're moving a bit of heavy furniture about the house?

 

Ignore reports and carry on drinking '“ you'll die anyway

We're always reading reports about how bad alcohol is for us. Binge drinking, too many weekly units, liver damage '“ the list goes on.

Now though a new report says that not drinking alcohol in middle age increases the risk of dementia, just as much as drinking too much! 

Who knows what is right or wrong nowadays? Drinking water will kill you. Everyone who has ever drunk water has died. And air too is equally dangerous. Anyone who has ever breathed has died.

Just do what makes you happy. If it doesn't harm anyone else, what's the problem? You're going to die eventually anyway.

As Homer Simpson said: '˜To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems.'