CLIVE SMITH: These snowflakes should take an online course in igloo-building

A bit of snow brought chaos to Stansted - much to Clive's disgust
A bit of snow brought chaos to Stansted - much to Clive's disgust
A computer generated image of how Fort Gilkicker might look one day. Possibly.

RICK JACKSON: Give us back our Gosport fort

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Christmases were ruined!

And there were chaotic scenes as Father Christmas only just made it back to Lapland before the snow made landing on roofs of houses too dangerous.

Why were so many people in desperate need of water anyway? It’s not as if Stansted is in the Sahara and the air con had gone down.

From around the country we received reports of how ‘weather gets cold in winter’ and how it brought large swathes of the UK to its knees – yet again.

Stansted Airport seemed to suffer most, after a whopping two inches of the white stuff fell causing delays for up to 300 passengers who were forced to sleep on baggage belts.

The delays persisted throughout the day and night resulting in 54 Ryanair flights and eight EasyJet flights being cancelled.

Passengers complained about lack of communication, poor service and trouble collecting their luggage.

Considering how half the airport were asleep on the baggage belts it was hardly surprising.

I saw one woman complained they were not given any water. No water? Whenever I’ve been to an airport there’s always been plenty of the stuff coming out of the taps!

Why were so many people in desperate need of water anyway? It’s not as if Stansted is in the Sahara and the air con had gone down.

They weren’t going to become dried up like shrivelled prunes in the space of a few hours.

One fuming traveller blasted the airport and said ‘the biggest snowflakes were the ground staff’.

Yes, I’m sure the airlines and airport could have done things better but it’s quite pathetic when members of the public start calling the delays the ‘worst moment of my life’.

Frustrating, maddening, boring, anger-inducing. There are plenty of ways to describe what happened. But the worst time of someone’s life isn’t one of them.

The response to these sorts of things in this country is poor, to be honest.

I know it’s not a regular occurrence and therefore it’s not something you’d spend a lot of money to prepare for, but it does happen enough for a rethink.

In places like Iceland and Alaska, they must howl with laughter when they hear about these goings-on.

‘Two inches of snow! How did people survive such hell?’

Take an online course in igloo-building and batten down the hatches because, I tell you, we’re doomed.

Phone all of your loved-ones and tell them you love them.

IT’S THE DREADED CRIMBO LIMBO

Christmas is done for another year and we’re in Crimbo Limbo.

It’s that time between the turkey and new year when you’re in a kind of no man’s land with no clue what the day is. You’re slumped on the sofa watching Jason and the Argonauts for the sixth year in a row, eating your way through selection boxes and cursing instructions on the kids’ toys!

With no routine to speak of, it’s kind of unsettling and relaxing at the same time.

You just wander about the house in your new pyjamas eating the first bit of food that catches your eye.

And with New Year’s Eve on the horizon your liver is screaming every time your eyes fall upon that bottle of rum.

‘SHOULD OLD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT’ – ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE WORDS

Auld Lang Syne, that traditional New Year’s Eve song, could be at risk of dying out, a new study has revealed.

Just three per cent of people claim to know all the lyrics, and 42 per cent of millennials admit not knowing a single word.

I expect that accounts for the small percentage of people who actually believe that Mariah Carey wrote the lyrics!

I admit I know only the first verse and then the chorus, that’s about it. But who at that time of night is going to remember anyway?

I suppose it’s just as much a part of New Year’s Eve as broken resolutions. And, to be honest, I’ve never been one for resolutions or holding hands with people in circles singing songs at midnight anyway.